5 weeks - final beta!

I really felt like crap last night so I was a little more worried that maybe today wouldn't be good news, but my HCG is up to 4606!!!  Over a 300% increase in the last 3 days.   Progesterone is still great at 58 (you should see the quarter sized lump on my ass from last nights shot) and our first ultrasound is Thursday at 9:30am.   This one is really only to confirm that the pregnancy is in the right spot, so R isn't going with me.  We'll have plenty of these in the future, so we've got to pick and chose what level of importance deems a baby sitter necessary.

I went back and read of few of my entries from when I was 5 weeks with C, and I'm pretty sure symptoms are kicking in faster this time.  I felt gross last night....tired, crampy, and semi-pukey.   I was lucky in that I never had full blown, throwing up all the time, morning sickness before.  I don't think I'll be so lucky this time.  At least it isn't smell or sight triggered yet, that gets really fun.

Beta #2

978!!  More than doubled so I am very happy.   The 2nd beta is always so much harder than the first if you've had a positive test at home because it HAS to be over a certain number to really be good.   At least they called by about 1pm again so I didn't have to wait for hours.   My progesterone was 51 and they also checked my TSH levels which were 2.3.  All normal and looking good.  Beta #3 will be Monday

Still haven't decided when we will tell our parents.  I was thinking of telling mine next week but for some reason the whole after Christmas recovery and clean up period has me feeling kind of blah about it.  Not that I'm not excited to tell them, I think I'm just starting to appreciate no questions and not having anyone I NEED to update about anything.   So far I think I've kept people from suspecting anything, though the one couple we did tell totally noticed I wasn't drinking despite my efforts have an alcoholic looking fruity drink on hand.  So Christmas Eve and Day I tried a different approach.  I carried a glass of wine around and fake sipped from it, emptying it into the sink when no one was looking.   New Years Eve will be a little tougher, but since we'll probably be bringing C to my friends house and making an earlier evening of it, I'm pretty sure there will be enough people there that no one will notice how quickly my glass is going down.

Beta #1

350!!  Right where I hoped to be at 11dp5dt.  The nurse that called made me a little nervous at first, as she kept saying I was really early when I asked for the number....I thought she was going to tell me it was 40 by the way she was acting.  So I will go back in on Friday and she said our first u/s should be sometime next week.

9dpt - 4 weeks!

One whole month pregnant!  I am finally calming down a little bit and only testing in the morning now.  Saturday I tested in the evening and the damn cheapie was practically blank, giving me a mini panic attack, but the FRER had a nice dark line, darker than my FRER with C at 8dpt (Sat. was 7dpt) so I'm guessing my HCG is well into the 200-300s by now.  It was 310 at 10dpt with C.

We also told the first people Saturday night.  We weren't planning on it, but one of R's best friends and his fiance came over to hang out, so we told them.  R is the best man in their wedding in April and we know they'll keep the secret.  Plus, I know they've got some concerns about their own fertility when they start trying and she is a NICU dietitian, so they'll be understanding and supportive no matter what.   Of course, breaking the seal on spilling the news makes me want to tell my parents on Christmas, but I think we'll hold out until betas are done.  We'll see.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday!

6dpt

6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
This morning I had a momentary panic attack that all this was wrong/from the trigger and I'd have negative tests today, but this morning's test did produce that same faint 2nd line.   I tested again around 2pm and got a much more satisfactory line, so I am feeling good that the HCG is increasing.

At only 3 weeks, 4 days I don't feel much different yet, but I swear there must be some mental block that immediately kicks in and says energy is no longer possible.  I know that it is much too soon for it to be legit 1st tri exhaustion, but I am so tired.  I've got some cramping going on, but it isn't too bad so I think it is within normal range.

5dpt take 2

Come on now, you didn't really think I had as much self control as I said, did you?

After I put C down for his nap, I POAS one more time because those "evaps" were bugging me.  Same result but the squinter came in at 5 minutes rather than 9.  I was going to call it quits for the day, but decided to test out an OPK I had lying around....and it came back positive.   So I opened an Answer brand test I bought yesterday and watched the control line come up alone and resigned myself to accepting the BFN.  A few seconds later the 2nd line came up and I said "OMG, this is real" aloud to no one before I started crying and shaking.   I pulled myself together to get a picture, at which point my camera battery died...so I took a digital while waiting for a few minutes of charge.

 

R was in the basement wrapping gifts, so real quick I whipped together some felt letters and glued them to a onesie I had.  C woke up right as I finished and I sent him to show Daddy his shirt.   It was very cute, though C didn't share our happy sentiment at first.

 

 

He cheered up after he got his morning snack.

 

 

 

 I'm 11 days past trigger, so I'm still really nervous that this isn't "real", but I know I had a negative 2 days ago so I'm taking a leap of faith and believing it!  I got my beta moved up to the 26th, they won't do it earlier than 10 days past transfer.

5dpt

What do you call a line that barely, barely starts to show up within the time, but ultimately has no real color or visibility until after the 10 minute mark?  Partial evap?  Invalid?   I did test again yesterday and got the same result as the morning...nothing at 5 minutes, a line after the time limit.   I tested a 3rd time while Colton was napping and made sure I checked it periodically while I put away laundry until it was well past the time limit and the squinter of line isn't coming in until right around the 9 minute mark, but too faint to be considered anything.   Ultimately, this morning's test was no darker than yesterday's, so I think it is just crap tests.   R even asked how this morning's test looked, and I explained the situation to him.  I'm not ruling out that is due to real HCG, but its questionable enough to keep me from using a better test right now.  If it was 6dpt or later, I'd probably have wasted 2 FRERs by now, but I'm trying to wait until I either have a clearer result on the cheapies, or I'm beyond the point where I got my BFP the first time.

4dpt

So I'm going to drag you all into this with me.  This morning I found myself comparing evap lines.  Or, at least, I think it was an evap line.  The problem I usually have is I wake up about 30-45 minutes before C is up and I have to pee.  So I test, wait a couple of minutes and go back to bed.  This morning's test was blank somewhere around 3-5 minutes, but there was a faint line 30 minutes later when C woke up.  After I showered it was even darker...maybe as dark as the legit line from trigger at 2dpt, and definitely darker than yesterday's evap (which I know for a fact showed up well outside the test window).  However, I also know that these cheapies also kick up a super faint line within the test timeframe anyway, because I checked them while stimming (unless low dose HCG can be detected?).

So I'll leave you with this picture to over analyze for a while. 

 

I'm going shopping.  Chances are I will cave and test again before tomorrow.  I'll try to update, but if I don't, I'm either hiding something or sulking in embarrassment.

3dpt

So I don't have to go back and look for this, reposting once more.

5 day transfer:- 1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

I've been trying to take easy as much as I can, but obviously with a toddler that is easier said than done.  At least R is around this time, and he is now off of work through New Years I think.  Trigger is out now. I've been more relaxed about testing so far, so I didn't test until yesterday afternoon and again this morning, since the trigger was most likely still there prior to that.   Yesterday I had some cramping that was very similar to the cramps I had with C, only this time they were in a different spot, rather than the same place I've had cramps since getting pregnant with C, so I am hopeful that might mean something, though I don't feel anything today.  I realize that is like thinking you can feel conception, but right now I'm going to let myself believe a little.

Here is our embryo!

Transfer complete

This time through our transfer was at 9am, so I had to start chugging water shortly after breakfast.  I drank roughly 32oz of water by the time the u/s tech checked me and she said my bladder was still empty!  So I chugged about 8oz more, which is quite a lot when you've only got about 15 minutes and feel full already.   At that point the tech checked again and even though I wasn't quite there, she said to stop drinking water because I'd need the bed pan in about 20 minutes.  Transfer happened around 9:30.  Turns out I was the only patient the entire morning, so they had to open and staff the office just for me, so I felt kind of bad, but they it happens all the time with early morning transfers.  We transferred one good looking blast.  It was the same doc as last time, and though this blast wasn't quite as mature as the last one, from what he told me I think it thawed better and he said we had a good shot again.

Since I was the only patient, I just stayed on the transfer table, which they actually inclined a little toward my head.  No, I don't think that helped the embryo, but it did help my bladder for a bit.  The nurse checked on me at the 20 minute mark and I was still managing, but 5 minutes later, I knew I'd never make it another 15.  That is right, I had to use the bed pan.  It wasn't quite as humiliating an experience as I'd imagined because we were in our own room (as opposed to the normal post transfer area with cloth partitions between patients) and it was just R in there. 

I will post a picture of our embryo once I'm off bedrest.  Beta is 12/28.

appt #9 = trigger time!

Things looked better today for the most part.  My lining looked much better on screen, but measurements were still varied.  2 measurements around 6.9/7 and 2 measurements around an 8, so the average has me feeling pretty good.   Yesterday I made sure to get a heating pad on my abdomen for 20 minutes or so in the afternoon and before I went to.  I used the castor oil that the massage therapist recommended and I do think it makes a difference in getting that moist heat affect.  I think I'll probably keep that up until transfer.   So I trigger tonight, no meds tomorrow, start the medrol, doxycycline, estrogen and PIO on Tuesday, and go in for transfer 9am on Saturday.    They didn't give me a beta date yet, but assuming it will be the usual 2 weeks from transfer it will be Dec. 29th.

#8 and still going

Today was an odd experience.  Aside from waiting for 45 min (after 2 retrievals, 9 monitoring appts, and 3 IUIs ahead of me) the Dr couldn't get a clear measurement on my lining.  There was some shadow on the u/s which made it hard to see and then he said he thought my uterus might be contracting (normal but a PIA for u/s purposes) and making the lining thinner than it really is because the first measurement was 6.1!!  The second measurement was a 9, which was too wonky in the other direction, and the 3rd was about an 8, which is where I'm praying it really is, but after checking the follicles it was back in the 6.9 range again.  So of course I'm questioning whether easing off the red raspberry leaf did it (popped 2 pills at lunch just in case) or if that drink I sipped last night fucked me over.   My estrogen is up to 188 and I will go back in tomorrow for what will hopefully be my last appt. before triggering.

#7

Might break my monitoring appt record here soon.  Things looked pretty good today.  My official lining measurement was recorded as 7.31, but I saw it go up around 7.45 while she was measuring and I think that was close to legit too.  Biggest follicle is on the right and still about 19.5.  My E2 levels are up to 142, so climbing again.   No idea if it makes a difference but I'm doing all my follistim shots on the left now in hopes that side will kick up something too.   I'm also scrapping the soy milk and easing off the red raspberry leaf.   Still haven't decided if I'll enjoy a drink at dinner tonight...I'll have to come up with an excuse if I don't so maybe I'll just sip at one while I can.  I go back in again tomorrow morning and I'm guessing probably Sunday too and end up triggering Sunday night.  We'll see.

Appt #6

I have few things to say.  First...the appt went okay.  No change in lining, but I'm hoping it is just thickening up in different spots and will bump up a little more in the next few days.  I had really hoped to see some growth with a fertility massage and an acupuncture appt between monitoring sessions.  At least it is still ahead of last cycle.  Biggest follicle is now "mature" at about 18.5, so I think all we are waiting on is my estrogen levels, because I doubt they'll push me as far as last time if my lining makes the cut-off already.  On tuesday E2 was still only 124 and they want it at 200 or higher.

2nd, it has now been a freaking week and I have not talked to the friend that is moving.  I called her last weekend and she sent my call to voicemail, then texted she'D call the next day.  Never happened.  I sent her a text on Tuesday and still have no response.   I get a few days, as we've both got toddlers, but come on...this is just getting douchey.   Once we get our tree up I'm going to try to have one last play date with the 4 moms and kids in our friend group since the newest mom just had her little girl Thanksgiving Day and I want to try to get a picture of everyone while we are still together so to speak, but other than that I'm not going above and beyond for the next 2 weeks.

Finally, people that bike for exercise on back roads during rush hour are the biggest fucking assholes in the world.  Seriously.   I nearly rear ended some guy who had to slow to a sudden crawl after a blind turn, and then watched over the next 5 minutes as every car piling up behind us did the same thing.

***
Ugh.  My estrogen level dropped again.  121 today.  I go back in tomorrow, but I'm waiting on a call from one of the clinicians now because I'd like to know WTF this means.

appt #5

I can't remember if I said this last cycle, but Ganirelix is like flipping a damn switch.  I went from feeling fine to sore, bloated and cranky within a matter of hours after my first shot.  I started them Sunday night, had off Monday and went back in yesterday.  Not much improvement lining wise, but I'll take it as good news that it wasn't much worse after starting the Ganirelix.  She measured between 6.9 and 7.25, and told the tech 7.3, so I guess they add a little to whatever the u/s machine can pick up?  I think my biggest follicle was still only around a 14 or so, putting trigger a bit further out than last time.   I had hoped to trigger Friday night, because we are going out to dinner with SIL and BIL that night, and have an annual holiday party on Saturday.  I'd planned to cut myself a little slack if we'd made it to trigger and enjoy a drink or two, plus eat whatever the hell I wanted (sort of).   I guess we'll see how my lining looks before making that call.

I did have an appointment for a fertility massage yesterday.   It was somewhat what I expected.  The therapist was really nice, and had made an effort to read up on FET cycles before I got there, but I've yet to come across any holistic fertility specialist who actually gets INfertility.  Go figure.    So I was on the table over an hour...she did some massage with castor oil on my abdomen, saying it actually had a lot of healing properties, and put a hot water pad on the area while she worked with pressure points in my arms and legs.  It was more deep tissue massage than regular massage, and when she went back to the abdominal massage...some of that stuff hurt!   My left side was fine, but my right hip area was "stuck" as she put it, and that is pretty much what it felt like.   I think it did help though, we'll see what tomorrow's monitoring brings as far as determining if I try it again before transfer.

#4

Important stuff first.  Lining was 7.19.  I guess it is good that it was holding steady, but I was hoping for a little growth.  My follicles are starting to grow now, with the biggest at 14, so I am starting Ganirelix tonight.  Hopefully that wont stunt the lining growth. 

On to random tidbits.  The office was packed today.  As in, at least 5 couples in the main waiting room, plus 5 or more in the lab waiting room and in exam rooms.   I was supposed to show up between 8:30 and 9, and after arriving right at 8:30, I got out of there at 9:50.  I'm not sure what everyone else was there for....no wristbands or Drs with hair nets so it wasn't a retrieval day and they don't schedule normal FETs on a weekend so my guess is IUIs.  It had to be something big, because one girl kept wiping her eyes and another looked like she was about to have an anxiety attack.   I did see someone I knew, so we killed about a half an hour chatting.  I'd thought she was cycling with the other clinic, but turns she just usually goes to the downstate office.   She is on a fresh cycle TTC #2 after one miscarriage after her first FET and then a failed FET this summer while cycling with another friend of ours who did get pregnant.

They had me go ahead and start OTC Vitamin D supplements, because it can't hurt.   I think they sent out my bloodwork today, but the tech had a hell of a time getting enough blood out of the vein.  Then the needle came out while the tourniquet was still on and boy did the blood start coming out then!  It looks okay now but I thought it would be a huge bruise.  They said they'd spin down what they got and try to extract enough out for both tests, otherwise they'll do it again on Tuesday when I go back in.

monitoring #3

I told myself I'd be thrilled with a lining of 7.2, happy with 6.8, and braced myself for a 6.3.  I saw one of the actual REs again and even with being a little quick she got a 7.13.  So I am still feeling pretty good about things.   She did agree that the 11mm follie that was measured the past two appts was most likely the residual cyst.  I had about 3 smaller follicles on the left and still about 5 on the right, but they aren't very big.  Thankfully we aren't really concerned about follicle size since it is an FET, so I'm guessing as long as my lining and hormone levels look good, they could trigger me with follies as small as 14mm.  

I don't know if my chart is flagged as the girl with a gazillion questions or if the Dr. was just in a problem solving mood, but she came asking how things were and if there were any issues.  I mentioned the poor lining for my past 2 cycles and she asked if I'd ever been tested for a Vitamin D deficiency.  I don't think I have, at least not recently, so they will run that along with my usual stuff at my next blood draw.  She said sometimes that can affect implantation rates, particularly in endo patients, so we'll see.

****
E2 is up to 72, so it is climbing, just curiously slow.   I go back in tomorrow to see if I need to start the Ganirelix.