Friday, January 13, 2012

back in the saddle?

Or maybe just observing said saddle from a good 10-20 feet away.   Christmas day SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy (and made it clear it was accidental, kind of odd but not something I care about much now) and I think that, paired with his best friend trying for his 2nd child, must have knocked something loose in R's keep-sanity-intact department.  He has made multiple comments over the past few weeks that he would be cool with us being pregnant again right now.   Meaning, of course, pregnant from normal old sex, not FET of any of our remaining embryos.   I am completely torn on this, for soooo many reasons.  In one pile of reasons, you've got the normal, we'd need to buy new furniture for C before he is really ready for a big boy bed (hell, we'd have to organize/unpack the junk in the spare bedroom that has been there since we moved), I'd need a new car because the Britax convertible we just purchased probably won't even allow for any passengers in the back seat of my jetta, let alone a car seat....and it goes on.   It the other, unfamiliar to many, pile....we've got the IF issues.  Am I still infertile?  Do I want to even find out?  Why would I want to try naturally if we've got 7 possible babies that are potentially as amazing as C is waiting for us?  Oh, and then there is that underlying fear of another difficult pregnancy and another, quite possibly earlier, preemie.

If it comes down to it, I don't think I am on board for "trying" again unless it is really important to R (in which case, I think we'll compromise with a time 6 months).   We haven't been preventing, and of course I know breastfeeding is not a reliable birth control method, but lets face it, unless I was suddenly a supa fertile ho, it probably isn't happening with our sporadic sex life.  And I am really ok with that.   I did buy a box of condoms, and when I do wean off breastfeeding we will need to do the more in depth talk about it.  Either way, I know we aren't bothering with any hormonal birth I might be dusting off my old friend the BBT within the next few months.