pre-op today, surgery tomorrow

I had my pre-op today and I don't think it lasted 10 minutes.  Compared to my Lap/hystero this is nothing....I will be out for 45 minutes max and I shouldn't need any pain meds after.   I am not really concerned about it, I figured the worst pain would actually be my throat from intubation, but since it is so short, I will just have a flexible tube to keep my airway open in case of emergency.   She said I should be fine by this weekend and I even got the okay to use a tampon by Monday if I'm still spotting so I won't miss out on our final day of boating!

My sono wasn't clear.

I need another hysteroscopy, this time to remove fibroids.  I was completely got off guard when the nurse told me...I couldn't even hold back the tears.  I truly thought it would be all clear.   It will need to be done in the next few weeks, and luckily we won't need to delay our IVF, which is officially starting Oct. 1.  R talked to his insurance again and I will have coverage starting Sept. 1, so at least I got some good news today.   I have no idea how I'm going to juggle all these appointments for the next two months. My direct boss and big boss know the truth, but I don't want the rest of my office to know.  If this fails, it will be hard enough telling the few that do know.  I was counting on using another surgery as an excuse for the time out for ER and ET, but now that I have a real surgery I can't use that two months in a row.  Guess I'll be calling out sick with some unknown illness.   On top of all these appointments, I have two weddings, a bridal shower and a baby shower within the next two months as well.  Trying to figure out what shape I'll be in/how I'll feel at that time so I can RSVP now is a PIA.  I already know for sure that I'll have to give myself a PIO shot during wedding #2 because I'll most likely be in the 2ww at that point.

OMG FML

So I'm happily enjoying my  vacation and on day 3 of BCPs.  Yesterday I noticed something felt a little off, this morning I woke up with that acidic stomac feeling.  The middle of dinner tonight??? I had to make a mad dash for the bathroom.  Which is when I remembered this:
http://anelementofblank.blogspot.com/2009/10/bcps-suck-balls.html
FML.

cd1

I will officially start BCPs on Saturday.  Of course, that means my vacation starts with walking into a strange lab for cd3 b/w, but what can you do?  I also went ahead and scheduled my SHG...for the day after we come home.  I was planning to take a half a day off work because I know I'll be too tired from the day long drive on Sunday to go in at the normal time, so now I'll just take the whole day.  R already has it off as well, so if I feel like dragging him along I can.  Actually, I think I will, because after the sono we will schedule the next set of appointments, so it would be a good idea to have him there.  Not entirely sure how that will work, since we won't know if I have insurance coverage for September until the end of that week, but I guess we can reschedule it all if it falls through.

Now I get to go in for my annual review at work.  How am I supposed to provide goals for the next year when my real goal is to complete a successful IVF cycle, become a mom and not be here by this time next year?  Somehow I don't think that is what they are looking for.

should have said something...

I've mentioned multiple times that I post on several TTC and IF support boards.  A few days ago someone posted their BFP, but the beta was a little low and the progesterone was only 9 at 14dpo.  By the time I saw the post the person had already signed off, but I knew something was wrong.  I wanted to post and tell her to demand progesterone supplements, but I didn't want to be the debby downer in a happy post.  I didn't want to cause unecessary fear, because you never can be sure what will work out on its own.  Sadly, it didn't work out for her.  I can't say that the advice I had would have made a difference, but it kills me that I erred on the side of nice board etiquette and it might have.  Next time I'll risk being the downer.

refilled my BCPs

Even though it is part of moving on with IVF, it feels like a giant step backwards.  Two months of not TTC...no charting, no OPKs, no timing sex....and no hope of not needing IVF afterall.  My only saving grace right now is that we are leaving for vacation on Friday and will be gone for two weeks.  By the time I get back we will be busy scheduling my sonohysterogram (yes, I need another one....they prefer every six months actually) and checking with our insurance to see if I can switch over without lapse of coverage.  Then the many pre-IVF appointments will begin and before I know it, I'll be pumping my body full of uncomfortable hormone drugs again.   I think it would have been easier back in June, when I was closer to my IUI cycles and the regular pattern of appointments and medications.  Now that I've had a break it is going to be a little harder to get back into the full IF mindset.   I wish I could say I was excited to get this underway, but the fear and dread of everything involved is overshadowing the hope of a good outcome right now. I will do whatever I have to do to get our baby, but this is going to suck.