Younger SIL is pregnant.

The announcement is just like a nightmare playing over and over. This possibility occurred to me a few weeks ago, but obviously I missed someone when I did my "who's drinking" check Christmas eve. We made it through opening almost all gifts (which included opening an obscene number of kid gifts first for older SIL's two, as well as some snide comments toward us non-parents about christmas being all about kids)...then one of my younger SILs (R has twin sisters) said she had one more gift from MIL. She stood up and held up this Tshirt that said we're having a baby. I hope no one saw my face at first because it was absolute shock and dread. My first thought was "is it ok to run now?" "do I have to say something?" "fuck, can I choke out congrats before running to the other room?" I managed to hang back, give a quick congrats, grab my wine glass, run upstairs to the main level and lock myself in the bathroom where I cried until R came up to console me. I will say he is trying so hard to be completely wonderful and understanding, but this killed my whole Christmas. It's right up there with the year I came home from college with a 102 fever and slept through most of Christmas...Actually, no, this is worse. At least then everyone knew what it was like to feel like shit. R's family has no clue we are having trouble at all (his sisters don't even know I had surgery). What I am going to do? Call my poor mother and make her feel horrible for me? R asked if I wanted to talk about it on the way home but I don't know how to explain it without sounding hateful. Once we were home I think I expressed my thought best by telling him that it didn't seem fair that SIL's husband was going to get to be a father before he (R) was, because SIL's husband would be a mediocre father at best and R would be an awesome one.