Happy You're Not a Mother Yet Day.

I thought I'd be okay, and I was, until we were outside doing yardwork and R started talking about getting cards for our mothers.  I started to tear up and he asked what was wrong..I tried to say I was fine but he asked again and I said it was Mother's Day and I wasn't a mother yet and it didn't even look like I'd ovulate this cycle.  He quickly hugged me and said he'd thought about that and that he loved me.  It was the first time throughout all of this that I heard him start to choke up.  As hard as it is, that was a very special moment.

Then later when we stopped at the card store, the second card I pulled out said "To a great Mother and Grandmother".  Well that did it, the tears started flowing again.  R's mother is a grandmother already, but my mother isn't.  My sisters aren't even married yet, so I'm her only chance at being a grandparent for awhile.  She never says anything about that, but it makes me feel all the more broken.

I did okay when we stopped by to see MIL.  R's family just doesn't get it.  She asked how I was, but it wasn't in that how are you truly doing way...more like just a formality and she really didn't expect anything more than a one word answer, which is what she got.  I told her I was fine.  Then pregnant SIL walked in and I wasn't prepared to deal with that.  I couldn't even look at her.  Thankfully R picked up on that and we left just as MIL started in with pregnancy talk.   I was fine the rest of the day and was even okay to talk to my mother about the loss and how things have been since....because she had 3 losses and she gets it.  It is R's family I can't deal with.  I think he is starting to figure that out and he is having a hard time truly understanding why.