hmmm..which cycle?

Heard back from the IVF coordinator.  If we want to cycle in October, then I do have to start BCPs next week.  The drawback to that is they also want cd3 b/w since I haven't had it in a while and if AF takes her time, I may be on vacation by then.   There is also the insurance issue.

There are 2 cycles in November...Nov. 5th and Nov. 26th.  R goes OOT every year for 3-5 days after Thanksgiving (though I suppose if there were a major problem he could stay home).  If we cycle Nov. 5, I still have one more natural cycle left.  We would be stimming the 8-16, with retrieval around the 17-19th and a 5dt about November 23rd.  This would work timing wise, the only issue is that I'd be testing while R is gone...bad idea if it isn't good results.  So I guess I'll talk over the options with R and we will decide.

planning for IVF (again)

Back in March we had decided that I would switch to R's insurance before IVF (originally in June) because he had better coverage.  At that time he was told to give 30 days notice before I needed to switch.   He called them today because I will lose my coverage on Sept. 1 and they said they can't do anything until I actually lose mine and then it is 30 days to process it.  This would leave me with no insurance for September, starting injections on October 1st...just not possible.  So they said to call the day before I lose my coverage to notify them and hopefully the new coverage will be retroactive from the time I lose the old insurance.  Extra hoops to jump through, but at least I don't have to wait for open enrollment to take effect in January.

That being said, I have not ovulated yet (3 days of pos. OPKs) so we are officially out of time to fit in one more natural cycle and still take 4 weeks of BCPs before IVF.  I am not thrilled with the idea of being on them 8 weeks, let alone the possibility of 3 months or more if we can't cycle until November.   So I will call the RE in the next few days and find out my options.

digital was negative

Very frustrating...but at least I don't have to sit here worrying about my beta anymore.  So, back to wondering when I'll O this cycle.

this morning's conversation

(from the bathroom)

me:  honey, can come in here?
(R get outs of bed and come in)
me: can you see that second line??

R: where am I looking?

me: there (points to faint line)

R: oh.  yeah, but it is so faint.

me:  I know....(deep shakey breath) and that is a pregnancy test.

My 2ww symptoms never left after a very short AF, so I've been testing with cheapies on and off just to be sure.  This morning's test (at cd14) had a super faint pink almost right away, naturally not soon enough for me to not dump the pee cup, so I couldn't confirm with a better test.  After 10 minutes or it faded so much that it just looks like an evap line....but there was something there...even R saw it.

So I called the RE and asked if I should wait to confirm with a digital or come in.  They said to come in...so now I am in the dreaded beta wait.  Despite the terrible heartburn and super sore boobs, I can't tell myself that I am pregnant for now because maybe the test was just crappy.   I have a digital in my purse and I might use it around lunchtime if I haven't gotten the call...just to brace myself for it.  Not a big fan of POAS at work though.  We will see.

picking out a card = tears

for any occasion now apparently.  Yesterday after work, I went to pick out an anniversary card for DH, and naturally one of the first cards visible says "great husband and father"...made me a little sad, but no big deal as it was pretty typical. Then I pick up one that reads something along the lines of "I know this hasn't been quite the happily-ever-after we'd imagined, but that doesn't mean our story doesn't count" (followed by some other mushy words) and I lost it. It doesn't apply to us as just a couple, because our relationship is wonderful, but I had hoped we'd be sharing it with a 3rd family member by now, and our story of having a family certainly hasn't been how we imagined.  Thankfully DH didn't beat me home, because I cried the whole way home, gave myself a migraine aura and I was still all teary eyed 20 minutes later. I didn't want him to be sad too.

I picked a different card and wrote a message about how lucky I am to have him and that he is my rock and the light at the end of the tunnel when I lose hope.  I snuck it into to the bathroom while he slept so it was leaning against the mirror above his sink when he woke up.
Happy 3 year anniversary to us!

cd1...

and I honestly haven't had much chance to care. since she pretty much started te exact same time I thrown from our boat during a sharp turn.  Nothing is broken thankfully, but lets just say I'll sporting red and blue for the holidays without even getting dressed.  My left arm took the brunt of it, striking the side as I went over, so typing is slow and I'll write more later.