9 weeks

It is hard to believe I've made it this far already.  Our u/s yesterday went well, but we had the same nurse as last week so none of the warm fuzzies we get from other nurses.  The heart rate is up to 181 now and it should drop and level off within the next few weeks.  During the scan we could see where the arms and legs were, but unluckily the pictures we got don't show it too well (I'll upload it later, waiting for R to scan it). 

I finally gave in and bought B-natal vitamins/pops for the nausea.  I've been taking one in the morning and at night and I think they are helping a little.  Last night I still couldn't bring myself to eat anything for dinner, so chocolate milk it was.  I also had my first migraine since being pregnant, so I spent the majority of the day home in bed since the only thing I was told I could take was extra strength Tylenol.  Since I knew that wouldn't even touch the pain I didn't even bother.

I did break down and take my first "bump" picture yesterday.  Obviously there is nothing showing yet, but I figured 9 weeks would be a good place to start so I can see the changes when they do happen.  Amazingly enough, I was able to get a picture that didn't make me look too much like a bloated whale.

8 weeks

A few days late posting u/s pics, but I've been exhausted, and holidays don't help.  Thanksgiving went fine.  We managed to keep any suspicions to a minimum at the in laws by drinking non-alcoholic wine decanted into a real wine bottle.  Not very good...tasted like sour apple juice, but it did the trick.  Of course, not knowing I was pregnant, MIL happily puffed away on 3 cigarettes in the 3.5 hours we were there...one of which she smoked within 10 feet of SIL's sleeping 4 month old.  WTF at all them.  That shit will not fly when it is my baby, I don't care if it is her house.

Before heading to the in laws, we spent some time with my family and I was able to tell my sister, which was awesome.  She was the first person we told that was completely surprised, so she jumped and gave me giant hug.

By 6pm I was done and nausea was threatening to turn worse.  I still have not been sick, but I've had a few close calls, usually triggered by smell.  After coming home to feed the pets and do my PIO shot, we headed back out to say hello to R's best friend and his wife since they were visiting family from out of town.  On the drive there I had my first round of serious nausea that came from no where.  I made it through the evening without any disasters though.

On Wednesday we had our 8 week u/s and the baby looks great but the appointment was nothing fabulous.  We had the nurse that I've previously referred to as dead fish nurse, because she has no personality at all.  Oddly enough, she was the nicest she's ever been, but when she left, R said he didn't like her, so I filled him in on my nickname for her.   Tuesday night I had a little light spotting that I'd attributed to a "sleep-gasm" as I've heard them called, the night before.  Everything looked good during the scan, with the heartbeat up to 169, so hopefully I won't have any more issues like that.

filling out paperwork

The amount of redundancy in the medical industry is just mind blowing, but I suppose it is better to be safe than sorry, and yes, obviously some things have changed since I filled out all this paperwork for my OB as a regular patient last year.

I called Friday to let my OB's office know I was pregnant and that I would be released from my RE in December.  You would have thought I told them I was due tomorrow.  She set me up for an appointment today, had me call the RE to fax all my records over, and directed to the large amount of forms available for download on the website.

As I was filling out the paperwork, there were a few things I needed from R, such as his current job title (his are about as accurate as mine, so I rarely remember them).   I told him the form asked for the father's occupation.

R:  who?  my father?
Me: no hon, you're the father now.

This is clearly still sinking in.  :)

7 week u/s

It went great!  I had been worried because everything I've read says the heartbeat should be between 90-120 at 6 weeks, so we were on the low end at 89.   Today it was up to 138!!  It was amazing to see how much growth there was is just one week.  You still can't see a whole lot (the round blob at the upper end is the yolk sac), and naturally the scanner at work is total crap so all I've got right now is a hurried picture taken at my desk before anyone noticed.  I will replace this with a better scan tonight.

Our baby is up to 1cm.  The nurse said the head of the baby is up next to the yolk sac  and that tiny little thing sticking out at the bottom is a leg bud starting to form!  All in all it was a great appointment and I feel like I can really relax now...at least for a few days.  Our next u/s will be next Wednesday.

On to other things.  I still haven't had many symptoms.  My back has been bothering me the past few days.  I've always had issues with back pain...hopefully this won't get too bad.  I really don't want to have to go back to acupuncture.   Morning sickness has been threatening to appear.  I drove to my appointment with a plastic bag in my lap today.  Apparently eggs for breakfast and then getting right in the car aren't a good combo right now.   My PIO shots started really hurting earlier this week, so last night I did it myself in an area we don't use as much and it was fine, so we are going to have to be more careful to vary injection sites.



operation "fake drink" succeeded.

At least we think it did.  This past weekend we went out with all my close friends to celebrate 2 30th birthdays.   We went up to Atlantic City to go out to dinner and wander around the casinos.  Luckily we got to the restaurant before they were able to seat us, so during that time R was able to order me two cranberry and clubs with lime, the second of which I nursed through dinner.  I was asked once or twice what I was drinking and responded with cranberry and vodka, one of my usuals.   R apparently got a few "hows the baby-making going?" questions during dinner at the guys end of the table, but he was able to answer vaguely enough to not arouse any suspicions.

I will say that I did not think the casino idea through very much.  Even not pregnant I wouldn't have wanted to be in that smoky mess, but I didn't really have much choice at that point so I just did my best to find the clearest air.  At least a migraine became a super legitimate reason that I didn't drink anything there.

So, either all my friends have figured it out, but know we don't want them to know, so they are being really good at pretending they don't...or we did a really great job of fooling them.   The next test is this Saturday with all the same people at a friend's house.  This should be a little trickier, because I'm usually playing bartender and whipping up all the awesome drinks.

A better u/s pic

This one is a little better.  The nurse also told us that because I have a tilted uterus and the baby is still so small, it is further away from the u/s wand and my u/s will be more grainy than usual.  The upper picture is what we saw when she measured the heart rate.

We have a heartbeat!!

Yesterday was my 6 week u/s and it was what I hoped for.  As soon as the nurse started the scan, this tiny little blob popped up and started flashing away.  It was the most beautiful sight and I fully admit to getting all teary eyed.  I'm still waiting on R to use his home office scanner on the actual u/s printout, but here is a lesser quality pic I took with my camera.

The heart was beating at 89bpm, which the nurse said was great for this early, and I'm measuring 6weeks 1 day, so a day ahead!   I feel like I can finally relax for a bit.  After the appointment I went and bought 2 pregnancy books.  Not sure how much I can get out of them at this point.  One has suggested exercises for each week, which I can't do because I'm still on limited activity and pelvic rest.  I think the most useful parts at this point are the developmental descriptions.  Right now eyelids are starting to form and the hand plates are beginning to form.

Told my parents!

Finally.  We had wanted to wait until we knew things were at least off to a good start.  I had been hoping to have them over for dinner this past weekend, but they were busy, I got a terrible cold, and R was called in to work ridiculous hours.  So we ended up just stopping by their house last night.  No fancy announcement, but it didn't matter, they were both thrilled.  My Dad even joked that he sees triplets in our future.  Um, no.

Two more days until our next ultrasound and I'm trying not to be nervous, but I really hope we see a heartbeat.   Yesterday I started have more frequent cramping.  Not sure if it was because I was coughing, blowing my nose, and sneezing all weekend or what, but its something new.  They don't feel like AF cramps, but then its been so long since I had a normal AF I don't remember what the regular cramps feel like, just the really bad ones, and these are nothing like those.  They feel like the mild cramps I had after my last Hysteroscopy, and also like the cramps I had Friday night and Saturday morning after the transfer, which I think were implantation cramps.  So hopefully that means everything is burying in further, and not detaching.

I think I also had my first experience with round ligament pain (RLP) last night.  I woke up and attempted to roll from my back to my side, which resulted in a stabbing/searing pain a few inches to the left of my belly button.  It took at least 5 seconds to subside, but it was too high to be related to the cyst on my ovary.  I am hoping this is a good sign too.

F cancer.

Yesterday I found out a friend lost her battle with stomach cancer on Friday night.  She was an e-friend that I'd met once in the 4 years I've known her, but her impact on those who knew her was great.  She had a smile that could light up a whole room.  Her stories....they would leave everyone laughing and retelling them for weeks, even months later.  She exuded class and beauty and had a truly warm heart.   She was a wonderful wife and would have made an amazing mother.   The stars shine a little bit brighter tonight because she is among them.  She will be greatly missed.

5 week u/s

I have to be honest, while we were thrilled to see something, it was not the teary joy-filled moment I'd somehow built it up to be.  At first you couldn't see anything at all, so the nurse had to adjust the u/s wand a number of times and push at all kinds of uncomfortable angles to find the sac, but at least that means it is well buried in my lining.   I had really hoped to see the yolk sac, but no such luck.  The nurse said at exactly 5 weeks what we did see (the gestational sac) was what she would expect.  Next week we should be able to see the heartbeat, which is the next big milestone we are holding our breaths for. 

Here is the beautiful little gestational sac.

She also checked my ovaries.  My right one looks great, with a couple small cysts from where they drained the follicles.  My left one, however, has a huge cyst at 24mm, which the nurse made seem as though it was expected, but it means I'm still on limited activity and no sex.  She said it should shrink by about 8 weeks or so. 

beta #3

I wasn't nervous at all when I had my blood drawn, so I didn't plan on waiting in the office for the results.  One of the nurses that has done a lot of my monitoring saw me and said congratulations, and said she'd call me as soon as the results were in.  Apparently she must have forgotten this though, because I still hadn't heard anything by 2pm and was seriously starting to worry myself sick, so I called and was told another nurse was just sitting down to review the day's lab results and I should get a call soon.  1.5 hours later I finally got my results...2742 or something really close to that.  She gave me a minor heart attack by accidently reading monday's results instead so I wasn't completely focused when she gave me the right number.   Our first ultrasound is tomorrow afternoon.

We have doubling!

I went in as early as possible this morning and I asked if I could wait for the results.  I was told it would be about an hour, which was fine, so I settled in with a magazine.  About an hour later, done with the magazine, I still had no results and also nothing left to occupy myself (Time and Sports Illustrated just wasn't going to cut it) so I resorted to staring at the walls, floor and fiddling with my phone...trying not to get to nervous.  The wait for beta #1 is hard enough, but waiting for the second results is pure torture.  You already know you are pregnant, but is it still going up?  is it over already?  will you be left with inconclusive results?  The longer I sat there the worse it got.  And of course, while I waited, some twat with 3 kids comes in, drags them and her husband back to her appt., and loudly mentions to the receptionist on her way out that she is 8 weeks pregnant.  WTF?  If you can't find/afford a babysitter now, you shouldn't be having more.  I don't care if you think it is a family event, an 8 week u/s is no place for siblings to be, and sure as hell not in an infertility clinic.  Dumbass.

Anyway, after about an hour and a half the nurse called me back (well, not really, she just took me around a corner and gave me the news in the hallway...since it was good).  My beta is now 1031.6...that is a 232.56% increase from Friday and the nurse said they look for a 60% increase!  I go back for beta 3 on Wednesday and my first ultrasound should be Thursday or Friday.  I can't wait!!

beta #1

Is 310!!! Holy shit, that is more than twice what I was hoping for.  According to beta base, 137 is the average HCG level for 15dpo.  Now I realize my levels are probably a little higher because fertilization occurred the day I'm counting as O day, but not that much higher.  I am so happy that it is that high!  I go back in on Monday.  Fingers crossed for doubling!!

9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT.

And so they are:

Actually, this test is from yesterday.  As you can see by all the posts that just magically appeared, I've been getting positives since Monday.  I just wanted to be sure it was real before going public.

And to celebrate, I carved a pumpkin in honor of my BFP.  I plan on telling my parents by showing them this picture,  I'm not sure they'll get it right away, but I think it is a cute idea.

8dpt

8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops.


I took another FRER this morning and I was pleased to see it was darker than Monday's FRER.  The cheapies sort of look like they are getting darker, but it is hard to tell because...well, they're cheap.
 
I saw my accupuncturist today.  I told her about the positive tests and her response was "well, be careful...it could still be just chemical at this point".  WTF lady?  My first one was chemical and you knew that, you don't think I don't realize that?  First the RE receptionist and now her.  I'm trying to stay positive here.  Why is it that everyone acts like it is not real???

7dpt

7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops

It has been less than 24 hrs and its already killing me trying to keep this a secret.  Part of me wants to shout it from the rooftops, the other half is terrified that the stupid nurse might be right.  I called this morning to see if I could move my beta, and she said friday was the earliest they'd do it "because the medication could still be in your system".  I tested out the trigger, yes, I used the cheapies but it was blank on transfer day and I've had almost non-visible evap lines since then.  I don't think the level of trigger shot can vary day to day.  Today is 14 days past the trigger shot, I am almost positive this is real, but that little seed of doubt is keeping me from officially announcing.   I'm hoping I can hold it in until Thursday..that is when my little timeline says HCG is high enough to be detected on an HPT, and I know you all will want answers once I post that.

sooo....

This is a secret post for now.  But after a very long emotional day, I tested again when I got home.  You know, just to see.   The first cheapie had a faiint 2nd line come in within time window but it wasn't dark enough to be sure, I've had evaps/false alarms that dark.  So I used a second cheapie...also a second line.  I still was not convinced enough to break out the FRER, but there was no way I was going to be able to wait and see tomorrow morning, so I used my last clearblue test.  At first it looked liked all the others, nothing but that stupid blue evap line...but after a few seconds it looked a little darker.  After a minute or so it was definately darker than an evap line.  So I used the FRER.  I got a faint second line.   All that freaking out was for nothing.  I even got a positive digital.



The line on the FRER is hard to see but it is there.  I wish I could say I felt the same excitement as the first time I saw the word pregnant pop up on a digital, instead it was more of a satisfied feeling if that makes any sense.  We've made it this far, now on to the next hurdles.

6dpt

6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood


All the stress and worry that I managed to not have too much of during this cycle has finally caught up with me.  I actually cried at work this morning.  Last week I added/changed some stuff on our website and it took me all freaking morning because people kept changing their minds about what should/shouldn't be on the main page.  So when boss came to me and said I had to change it again, the frustration was just too much and I ended up in tears.  I've been testing with crappy internet cheapies and other than an evap line or two, they have been negative.  So I was feeling depressed before I even left for work, and R said I need to stop reading the support boards because it doesn't help.  I told they do help, and then as I walked downstairs as said "you don't help".  Which, in the 2ww, is true.  He is wonderfully supportive at all other times, but for some reason he thinks I should have undying faith that everything is fine during each 2ww.  I try, but it usually only lasts until about 11dpo, when I start being realistic instead.  He came downstairs and we talked a bit before work, and he said I shouldn't get so worked up and that we still have a week until our beta and me stressing isn't going to help.  Of course I know that, but it doesn't make it much easier.

5dpt

5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells


I don't really feel any different at all.  I've had some random cramping, but nothing I wouldn't normally have.  I suppose I shouldn't feel anything until we've reached the point where the embryo starts producing HCG, but I can't help beginning to lose a little hope.  Of course I made the mistake of lurking on one of the success after infertility boards, and there are women on there that got their BFP as early as 4dpt.   I realize that is not the norm, but my embryo was already hatching, shouldn't mine be ahead of the curve too?

3dpt

3dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining

So I haven't been sleeping so great, and I have a feeling it will just get worse.  I was unsure whether I should blog this, because it might be a bit TMI, but at the same time it is also funny, so I'm going for it.  After our transfer we were handed an instruction sheet with directions for bedrest.  The final two lines read:

No sexual intercourse and NOTHING in the vagina.  This also means NO ORGASM.

Now, when you are staring at a ceiling for 45 minutes, holding this paper with nothing else to do, the word vagina alone becomes hilarious enough.  The fact that the paper is telling me what I can and cannot put in my vagina is even funnier.  My bladder was not happy.

Anyway, I didn't think a whole lot about the instructions as they were pretty easy to follow.  Well, I forgot what happens when my body is amped up on hormones (self-made or injected/taken).  I should add here that I often wake up in the middle of a dream, then go back to sleep and continue with the same dream.  Wednesday night I woke up in the middle of a sex dream, started to fall back asleep, jolted myself awake and though "oh, shit! I can't have this dream!"  Yeah...never occurred to me that I might break the rules while sleeping.  Last night I managed to have dreams (nightmares?) about having sex dreams.  That was even more confusing...waking up from a dream while still dreaming.  And of course I dreamed that I couldn't wake up, woke up spotting and lost the embryo.  WTF