I (he) DID IT!!!

Happy Halloween!!   C was such a little trooper tonight and I am so proud of him.  Not only did he wear the costume, but we went trick or treating around a good portion of our development.  Everyone loved the costume and he had a great time!

appt #7 - not good at all

I think today was the first time I've cried on the u/s table.  The nurse tried really hard but the best measurement she could get was 6.9, with most attempts falling between 6.5 and 6.7, with one even as low as 6.1!  They don't know why this is happening, there is a small chance my body is trying to surge despite the Ganirelix and a progesterone increase is causing it temporarily, but I took an OPK and the test line was practically nonexistent, so I doubt that is the case.  I managed to hold it together most of the way home, but then Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" came on and I lost it.   At least I was able to come home to snuggles from both R and C, who were curled up on couch watching Thomas the Train while they waited for me.

Best case scenario they push me another 2 days, worst case they trigger me tonight and it is canceled now.  So things don't look promising.  Biggest follicle is 25 and I've got almost 8 within mature range after a trigger, so we can't even say fuck it and try on our own as a last resort.    The nurse made it sound like there are plenty of other protocols out there, but really, natural FET is the only completely different protocol, other options are just variations on meds and dosages to the best of my knowledge.    I did find this article, which talks a little about treatment of thin lining.  No idea if it is a load of crap or not, but it seems relatively legit, and of those 3 causes, we've ruled out low estrogen....leaving poor blood flow and/or damaged lining.  Of course the last line in the article made me cry again.

It is still cloudy and rather cold IMO here, but I guess Trick or Treating is still on, so I promise to try my best to get C into his rooster costume for a picture, but for now....I give you his back up costume.

 

 And just because he is so adorable and I need to AW my pinterest ispiration decor:

appt #6

Rather disappointing.  I saw one of my favorite nurses, and from looking at yesterday's stats, she started talking about triggering tonight with a transfer of next Saturday which got me feeling really optimistic, but then she measured my lining and even taking extra time she only got a 6.9.  It does look better on the screen than it did for my first FET, so I am still hoping we'll see progress.  There is also an endometrial cyst in there now, but supposedly that shouldn't mess anything up and could be gone by tomorrow.   My follicles are getting a little squished now...I've got a 17, a 12, 11x17 and a 10x21.  They are hoping to push me a few more days.  Not sure what I'll be facing tomorrow, the wind is starting to pick up now and it has been raining non-stop since Saturday night.   The nurse said they'll be there though because they've got a few retrievals.  My heart goes out to those poor ladies....I can't imagine the added stress of a hurricane on top of the pressure of a fresh IVF cycle.

And finally, I am proud to report, after a tough fight with 3lbs of bloat this week, I'm within 5lbs of my goal weight.   Even if I don't see any more progress from here on out, I feel that like is so much more of an accomplishment than just being within 10lbs of my goal.

****
Thankfully they are giving me tomorrow off (since we don't have to worry about follicle size too much) and I go back in Wednesday.

Appt #5

I actually had yesterday off.  I would like to say I got to sleep in, but C was awake at 4am, then again at 6am, and up for the morning at 7:20 (plus being up at 11:45...yay teething!).  So it could have been worse, but not the break I'd hoped for.  Oh well, R was thrilled because it meant he could go hunting at the assbreak of dawn.  Sooo not a morning person.

Weekends are a little different for monitoring in that there are no set appointments.  I took a little advantage of this and tried once again to sleep in, but C was up again at 6am...up for good at 7:15 (yes, I'm well aware that this is lightyears better than his 5am wakeups that were the norm from 4-7 months) so I left around 7:30 while R took care of breakfast.  The whole thing took around an hour and there were a ton more people than what I see during the week since I go in so early.   Nice thing about the weekends is the monitoring is usually done by one of the actual RE's, so I saw the other female doc in the practice.   Knowing her personality from prior experience (very good but to the point, no wasting time and pretty blunt) I didn't expect amazing results, and was pretty happy with a lining measurement of 7.11.  Right ovary is doing very little at this point, with the biggest follie about an 8.  The left is the performer this time, with a 17, a 15, 12, and 11.  Meds stayed the same and I go back in tomorrow, weather permitting.

Oh oh oh....one other thing that I just have to put out there.  Someone cycling this time through is a total MORON.  Every.single.time I've gone in, some douchebag has taken their disposable paper cover and jammed it in the basket clearly labeled cloth gowns.  Seriously, how inconsiderate or dumb can you be?

appt #4

About the same as yesterday, which I expected with the Ganirelix.  I'm still right with my measurements for my fresh cycle....same higher lining measurement, then a thinner one after the first Ganirelix shot, except my lining was a 6.7 today as opposed to 6.3 at this point with fresh.   I am starting to feel a little discomfort now and I've definitely got some bloat going on.  Trying to keep up with my harder workouts, but I think today will be it and I'll have to settle for just the elliptical for a bit.   I'm within 7lbs of my between kids goal weight so it is really hard to let go of the weight loss.

At least things still seem to be moving pretty quickly.   You'd think with a full time job the first time through and being a SAHM mom now it would be the other way around, but since I more or less fill my time with things I WANT to do, rather than miserable deadlines, this is so much better.   I'm almost done Cs costume and it looks awesome.  Bad news is, there is a slim to none chance he will let me get it on him, as he has recently decided any putting on of clothes is the end of the world.    I'm hoping R and I can tag team and get it on just long enough for a picture, but I highly doubt and actual trick or treating will occur, which is rather disappointing, but with all the talk of Hurricane Sandy barreling towards us, Halloween night may be too windy and wet anyway.

appt #3

Much better.  Same nurse as Monday and she took a little more time trying to find a thicker point to measure and got a 7.19!!  She even remeasured and was still getting around a 7.   She said measurements can vary based on differnent planes, but it looked good.    Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people that didn't need the details and could be happy with a simple "looks good", as it would probably save a lot of temporary disappointment.   The lab tech was the same one as yesterday and she is rough, but she did get the vein again so I can deal.  As I told her, I'd rather have it hurt in one arm than get stuck multiple times.  

I will probably start Ganirelix tonight.  I don't really have much discomfort, but it is amazing how much better I am responding to Follistim than the Bravelle I used for IUIs.  I didn't get any of the follie measurements today, but both ovaries had at least 3 follicles, which is a beautiful thing!

***
Starting Ganirelix, E2 is 173.5ish and I go back in tomorrow.

monitoring #2

Not great.   I went through this same thing in past cycles,  one tech gives one lining measurement, then the next appt a different tech gives a thinner one!  Today my lining was only 4.8 (hell, it could have even said 4.18, all I know is it sucked).   Follicles were right in line with what I expected...still 4-5 on the left with the biggest around a 9x10.   The nurse still said everything looked good since my E2 was still probably low, but I know its not THAT low.   The labtech did manage to get a vein on the first try, but she did it by holding the needle at a downward angle the whole time (as opposed to letting it rest naturally).  Holy crap did that hurt and I was sure the vein was going to blow and be lost for further use, but it still looks okay.  I meant to ask a few questions about exercise and baby aspirin (at one point my RE had me on that for an IUI to help improve blood flow) but I forgot.   I doubt my exercising is hurting my lining, and its not like I'm doing Insanity or anything, but I've kept up the same level of working out that has lost me 7lbs in the past month so I'll ask when the nurse calls back.

***
Nurse called and I'm still cleared to workout, and she did say to start the aspirin as it can't hurt, but my E2 jumped to 130, which brings me back in tomorrow to see if I need to start the Ganirelix.  I've never had monitoring space out again after going to daily appts...so the find a vein shitshow begins.       

1st monitoring appt.

Surprisingly, I'm actually right on track for where I was at this time with my fresh cycle, despite the lower dose of follistim.  With IVF #1 I had about 6-10 follicles on the left, with the biggest at an 8, and a lining of 5.8.  I couldn't really see the screen today, but there were a few small follicles on the right, and about 4-5 on the left with the biggest around a 7.  My lining was actually 5.5, so I'm really hoping it continues to stay on track and this won't be any longer than my fresh cycle (which would put me at trigger time next tuesday).    I will probably get tomorrow off and go in Wednesday, which is good, because the lab tech hit both arms again.

****
My E2 is 64 and I will go back in Wednesday.

Baseline is done.

Lower dose was right.  They are putting me on only 100 units of Follistim (compared to 350 for reg IVF) and no low dose HCG!  Gah!  I spent 3 days last week going back and forth with the pharmacy and the RE getting the order straigtened out because they said I needed it and now I don't.  Very frustrating.

Baseline looked good, lining is only at 4mm before AF has even showed, so hopefully it will be a light one.  Of course the lab tech hit both arms trying to find a vein, despite warnings about how tricky they are.  Everytime they do it they tell me something different to tell them next time and the outcome is always the same.  Ouch.

Meds training was fast because I've done it all before, but I left very frustrated.  In addition to the hassle I mentioned above, I feel like they are being waaayyy too conservative.    Only 100 IUs of Follistim from Friday until Monday, when I have my 1st monitoring appt and then maybe I'll add in Ganirelix, which does nothing other than keep me from surging on my own, after that.    So they aren't aiming for half the follicles, they are aiming for ONE! WTF.   It took 21 follicles to get a lining of 8.5, how in hell do they think one will do the job.   I asked why they'd take this approach when my best result for an IUI with 1 mature follicle was a lining of 6.5.   The nurse looked a little concerned and the best answer she could come up with was Follistim is better than Bravelle for my lining and the Ganirelix will give that follicle more time to produce natural estrogen, because like a fresh cycle, I won't be on any estrace until after trigger.   She did say we could up the dose as well, so I'm sure I'll be on 200 IUs by next friday.  Good news is I won't have an limited restrictions until close to transfer.

ETA:  I guess my questions got some wheels rolling, because in the time this sat for a few hours as a draft, I got a call back from the nurse (which sent me into mini oh shit my b/w is wacked mode because they never call after early baselines).  She spoke with my RE, who said that although the HCG won't help my lining, it might help create a stronger, healthier follicle(s), which in turn could help my lining.  Either way it can't hurt and I feel better doing that little extra.  So when in doubt:  ask, ask, ask!!!

So here is everything but the low dose HCG, as the nurse said that what I've got is my trigger, even though I used the same thing as low dose last time.

Last day of BCPs!

Finally! I actually can't complain much this time around though...I don't think I've had any bloating and no other unpleasant side effects, but it is nice to be done with them anyway.   All my meds came...I'll post the obligatory med pic after my baseline, since I've got to haul them all in to the office anyway.  From looking at what I've got I will be on a much lower dose of Follistim.  I've only got 4 boxes of 600 IUs, last time I think I had 3 boxes of 900 IUs and boxes of 600 IUs donated from a friend.  

At least time seems to be moving pretty quick and I hope it stays that way.  I've got a good start on C's costume, we got pumpkins today and went through a little corn maze.  Tomorrow I'm finally using a gift certificate I've had for a massage, and because it is part of this really nice gym, I get access to everything all day so I'm planning to swim for tomorrow's workout.  I'm proud to say I've really stuck with daily workouts and I am almost 30lbs under where I was when I took my last BCPs for IVF #1 and 20lbs under BFP weight.   I know I'll have to cut back drastically as soon as stims start, but I feel good about where I am now and that is what matters.  If this works, losing weight will take a back seat, and if it doesn't, I think I can get back on track pretty fast.

: S

That's a face if you can't tell.  About the same face I made when talking to the IVF coordinator.  Since I didn't really know when I was starting stims, and it took nearly a week just to get my regular FET meds ordered last time, I called to ask when I should expect to hear from the pharmacy.  The orders went in today and I start stims on the 19th, so a little later than I thought, but it should line up to be right at cd3 (5 days after stopping BCPs).   I will have a trigger shot, but no retrieval (cue the face).  I can't imagine that will be the slightest bit comfortable, and paired with the horrid stomach pains from the doxycycline that I had my last IVF, it should be a grand old time.   Transfer is set somewhere in the beginning of Nov...hopefully the 1st or the 2nd, because I think the 3rd is a Saturday and then they'd probably push me to the 5th.  I will also be on Ganirelix again, so the only difference is no idiot anesthesiologist and retrieval.  Obviously I'll take things one day at a time and make the best of it, but I hope I feel okay for Halloween.  I've decided that C is going to be a rooster, and I'll be making the costume myself.  This was my inspiration:

"things happen for a reason"

Much of the time I hate that quote, because there are soooo many bad things happening all the time that just can't be reasoned with, but lately I've found myself thinking that it actually applies to me/us right now. 

Two days after our FET was canceled, C had his 15 month appt.  It went fine, but the pedi noticed that one leg had an extra crease/fat roll, and that combined with my history of hip dysplasia, meant we were headed off for x-rays.  Though I'm a long time veteran to the good old x-ray machine myself, I had no idea how they'd do with a toddler.  So when it came down to it, I have to say that luckily I was not pregnant so I was able to stay right with C the whole time and not leave him in a cold room with a stranger (BTW...x-rays were normal!)

Fast forward to yesterday.  C wakes with a fever of 102.  I gave him some advil, it came down and I chalked it up to teething.  Well, last night it went up to 104.9 and by morning we noticed a slight rash, though at least we managed to keep the fever between 101-103 since that spike.   By the time we got him in to the pedi's office, the rash was on his neck and face....Roseola.   The poor kid is miserable, but apparently this is something that almost every child gets somehow, usually before age 2.  Once you have it, it stays with you like chicken pox and you won't get it again.  I've already had it so I *should* be immune, but once again, it looks like it was/is actually a good thing I'm not currently pregnant, because even if this turns out to be something I can catch on top of Roseola, I only have to worry about me and not a baby.   Hoping my little guy feels better soon.

BCPs again

I hate BCPs.   When the one nurse mentioned a mini-stim cycle, I was thinking something along the lines of an IUI cycle.  Instead, we'll be replicating my fresh IVF cycle on a smaller scale...so all the drugs, all the appointments, bloodwork and pain, with hopefully half the follicles.   I start BCPs tonight and continue them for a little over 3 weeks.  Not that bad in the grand scheme of things, but I'm pissed that they waited until the last fucking minute to tell me this.    I asked if it was possible to just start now since I've been suppressed for essentially 3 months, but no, something about the potential for estrogen producing cysts since I just had a period.  How a provera induced period is any different from the induced period I'll have when I stop BCPs I don't know, but it is protocol for everyone cycling for IVF/FET.

So nothing to do now until my baseline on Oct. 16th.  I'm guessing I'll start Follistim (or Gonal-F) that night, as well as low dose HCG.  They aren't sure if I'll need Ganirelix yet, which raises a lot of questions in my mind for how this works, but I guess I don't need to know it all right now.   They've got me penciled in for monitoring from Oct. 22-Nov.2, but hopefully I won't need that many and I already expressed concerns about the difficulty the lab techs have.   I cannot have multiple consecutive days of bloodwork if they are going to botch it up and hit both arms every day.   Looking at my fresh cycle, I stimmed for 11 days, so going off of that I'm guessing my "retrieval" day would be the 29th.  Don't know if I will actually take a trigger to ovulate, or if I'll just start prepping for transfer and the follicles die off when I start PIO.   Putting the cart way before the horse, my due date would be somewhere in late July.   Amazing how fast you can go from swearing you could never be really pregnant in summer to possibly being just that because its better than nothing.

mmm...coffee

Officially canceled now and I started Provera last night.  The realist in me had the foresight to buy my Bailey's coffee creamer on Thursday, so I am happily enjoying coffee for the first time in over a month.    The lining check showed no improvement at all, if anything the measurements seemed worse, with the ideal placement spot for an embryo only measuring at a 5.   At least I don't have to wait for my body to do its own thing.   The other good thing about provera is that I don't have to worry about AF ruining my trip to Chicago.  So cd1 should be sometime around Sept. 20th and I'll call to set up cd3 labs.   I'll probably give them a call sometime next week to find out what they are thinking and timelines for possible protocols.   R is now seriously considering a new job in 2013, so we'll likely be losing our IF coverage (but potentially gaining the difference in salary) so taking a break cycle as a mock natural FET may not happen after all.

Done all we can do.

Ok...this time it really is the final call.  They can't push anything any farther without changing my transfer date.   I'd like to say I'm not letting myself get too hopeful that maybe this will work, but I'd be lying....there is always that little voice rattling off the "what ifs" of a successful cycle.   I'm a little ashamed to admit I've let myself go off the deep end a bit these past two days.  As soon as that call came in from the RE, I started chugging water like it was my job, picked up POM juice at the grocery store, and pulled out some old FertileCM supplements from past natural cycles.   I even googled fertility yoga (I know, I can't believe it either).  It wasn't all in that OMG this has to work desperation mode, but more like, well shit, I can't hurt anything at this point, so why not throw everything I've got at it?   And it not like its been time consuming, I've been going about my day with C as normal, which really helps keep the regular crazy at bay.  If nothing else, I've done a good job of getting more water into my diet.

Canceled (or not...maybe)

I left the house this morning with hope, but honestly I spent most of the drive to the office thinking about other protocols and when to cycle next.  So I wasn't the least be shocked to find my lining hasn't improved.  At all.   The extra estrace did nothing.   The nurse said she'll talk to the IVF coordinators and they will call me back today about stopping meds.  I said I'd rather not be on Lupron again and I thought taking a break for a natural cycle might be a good idea.  I ran into one of my favorite nurses on the way out and she said we could try either natural FET or a mini-stim cycle next.   I am disappointed and frustrated that I've wasted a month of my life sticking myself with a needle daily for nothing, but at least we didn't lose anything beyond that.

*****

Well, my RE reviewed things from this morning and thinks we still have a shot at this cycle.  I am switching from 6mg orally and 2mg vaginally of estrace a day to 4mg each a day and I'll go back in Saturday for one more check.  It make things pretty tight med-wise for a Wednesday transfer and I'm rather doubtful about this, but what are a few more days going hurt?

Wed. Sept 12th

Is our new tentative transfer date.  Thankfully, they were able to find an ultrasonographer to come in on Wednesday.  So that is a huge relief because as long as everything looks good this week, nothing will be done differently on the transfer end.   Even cutting bedrest short by a few hours would make me hesitate because this is our best embryo and we get one shot.  I'd rather wait and do it right, than feel at fault if it fails.   So everything rests with my lining issues now.  I've got the signs that my E2 levels are soaring, but I have no idea if the necessarily means my lining is growing.   Particularly since I'm still on Lupron, which I know is what is fucking things up.  Even if they put me on stims, its not like I'd up and ovulate with 14 days, but I guess having even a medium follicle because of lowering the Lupron dose could mess up things.   I still feel like staying on 10ml a day is going to screw me over.

Not the appt I hoped for

My lining isn't good.  It is somewhere between 6 and 6.5 and they want to at least 7.  It doesn't sound like a big difference, but only cycle where my lining has ever been more than a 7 was my fresh IVF.  If I can't get a decent lining to grow on stimulant hormones, I really doubt a week with a few extra estrogen pills is going to help.    I don't know why I didn't brace myself for this scenario.   So of course I come home in tears and R is supportive, but immediately goes to the old...me being negative.  He said this is just the beginning and he doesn't want to go through all this again with me getting so worked up over a bump in the road.   Awesome...guess I need to work on internalizing emotion again.    To add to all this, C and I fly to Chicago for a wedding on the 14th.  My flight is 11ish and several family members will be on the same plane (none of who know we are cycling of course).  I am waiting for someone to get back to me about making a special exception and do a transfer on Wednesday the 12th, because right now the only transfers blocks in the schedule are Thursday afternoon, which won't give me 24hrs bedrest before getting on the plane.

So as of right now, I continue on the 10ml of Lupron a night and the 6mg of Estrace orally.  I am adding in 1mg of Estrace vaginally 2x a day and I have to schedule an appt. next week for another lining check.

T minus 2 weeks

Tentantive transfer date is two weeks from yesterday, so I'm now within the timeframe of my fresh IVF cycle.   So far I've done a pretty good job of not really thinking past the current stage of meds/cycling, but the nervousness is definitely creeping in.   The embryo we are hoping to transfer is already hatching, just like C was.  If this cycle fails, it seems like only downhill from here.   Right now I'm trying to just continue on with daily life as though nothing is going to be any different.  I been focusing on working out and trying to lose weight and that has been a good distraction.   I don't want to end up in a downward cycle like I did the first time through, gaining too much weight because I was forever telling myself that I could be pregnant soon so it wouldn't matter.   I'm feeling pretty good right now physically, about 12lbs under BFP weight (23lbs under weight on BCPs for IVF #1) and a lot more of that is muscle this time through.   I will cut back closer to transfer and I won't be doing tons of burpees or anything after the transfer, but I'd like to stay somewhat active in the 2ww.   So ready to be done with this Lupron though....fatigue and headaches all the time.  I'm also convinced that it is making me bloat, because no matter what I do, I haven't been able to drop and keep off a single pound.

the gangs all here

Including AF, that nasty bitch.  I swear the cramps have been so bad that it feels like someone is trying to pull my legs out of the hip sockets.

Anyway,the rest of my meds arrived on Tuesday.   Mentally it feels like FET is a lot less medication, but really, it is only 2 less shots.

Clockwise from left: alchol swabs, Lupron and needles, 3 boxes of Progesterone in Oil,

 Sharps container, Estrace, Doxycycline, Medrol, Needles for PIO, and BCPs (done now).

This morning I had my first lining check and everything looked good.  Of course the lab tech couldn't find a damn vein so I got stuck in both arms.  So, so thankful I don't have more monitoring for 2 weeks.   Tomorrow I start Estrace....half a pill twice daily, and I drop my Lupron to 10ml a day.   After about 5 days I bump up the estrace to 2 pills a day, and 10 days from now I take 3 pills a day.   



We meet again, old friend.

Ah....injections.  Once again I've come to that point in my life where I never thought I'd be saying, if we are lucky I'll be doing some type of shot for the next 3-4 months!   Yeah....

So I did my first Lupron shot tonight and the shot part was easy.  Shortly after it kind of felt like that ab muscle had been kicked, and by the time I'd gotten halfway through bedtime with C, it was burning and itching like a bee sting.  Awesome.   A half hour later it was no better, and even now (an hour later) the injection site is much warmer than the other side of my stomach.  Dr. google says it is normal and will go away after a few days....I'm a little leery because last week a damn deer fly bit me and the localized reaction on my hand was so bad I had to take off my wedding rings and my knuckles disappeared for 3 days.  At least the itching seems to be gone.   Now to await the other side effects.

No polyps!

So that is good news because that is something that grows back.  What they did remove was most likely STILL retained placenta.  WTF right?  No wonder I had continued trouble with breastfeeding. 

Anyway, surgery wasn't bad...I read over my last surgery post before I went in so everything was fresh in my mind.  They were running behind, so I made sure to keep an eye on my IV bag this time and was able to flag down the nurse before it ran out, when the drip was too fast...stopped entirely, etc.  It was a bit of PIA but at least I knew what to do.  I did mention to the anesthesiologist about how much the anesthesia hurt the last time and she said there was much they could do, but I know she gave me some type of "happy drug" as she put it first, so I barely noticed any pain.   Waking up was a little different.  I remember a bunch of people telling me to wake up and not wanting to.  I also still have my tube in my throat and have a vague recollection of trying to chew on it before they pulled it out.   I don't remember that part from prior surgeries.  Then I zonked back out until I was in recovery, where I discovered I was in so much pain that I started feeling around for Lap incisions just in case.   I guess retained placenta, even little old pieces, can recreate that fun post-delivery manual extraction feeling.   The nurse anesthetist had already told me she'd put toradol in my IV prior to unsedating me, but it wasn't helping.   The shot of phentanyl they put in my IV didn't do jack shit either, so finally they gave a new saline bag and dilaudid, and that did the trick.   I really haven't had much pain since, just feeling a little groggy and tired.

surgery scheduled

As expected, cd1 was Sunday.  Still a very odd feeling to be this laid back about the whole thing since there is no "trying" right now.  As far as I know, my cd 3 labs were normal.  I have BCPs that I probably should have started today, but I'm not starting them until Friday because I know I won't start gearing up to O yet and I want these last few days to nurse C.   Next week I have my pre-op appt on the 20th, along with my meds training since we'll be gone all of July and I start Lupron before we are back from Michigan.   The hysteroscopy is on the 27th.  I'm really hoping whatever they remove doesn't hurt any more than my last one (with the RE, not the emergency one post delivery) so I can be close to normal the next day.  I haven't quite figured out how surgery day is going to work out.  Unluckily C is in that phase where if he knows I'm in the house, he won't stop screaming unless he is with me (or R, Dad is always the cooler option).

Physical and u/s

Meh.   It could have been worse, but I had hoped everything would look fine.  As soon as the image appeared on the monitor I knew someone wasn't quite right.  My lining looked fine, but there was something else in there, showing up white on the screen.  So most likely either more polyps or possibly still retained tissue from delivery.  Either way, surgery is probable.   It did show that I have a 15mm follie on my right, so despite numerous positive OPKs last week, it looks like I'll be Oing late this cycle.  Hey, at least I won't need provera.

Oh, and a random fun fact....the nurse measured my whole uterus and in its non-pregnant state it is the same size as my SCH was around 13 weeks.

RE consult

Everything went well today, aside from the wait of course.  Definitely a different feeling being in the office for child #2.  Maybe it is because we are a few months out from cycling, but the fear isn't there this time.  I realized that when I sat down and glanced at this poor girl already sitting there.  The look of worry and flat out fear on her face was unmistakable.  I am glad she was gone before the pregnant chick showed up, because she likes to "visit" every time she has an MFM appt. next door.  Um, yeah...awesome for you, not so much for those still waiting.   I would have loved to have brought C, but I haven't forgotten how much it can hurt to be there.

Anyway, I was very pleased that no one even batted an eye at the fact I was still breastfeeding.  The only issue that might come up is if I need provera to end this cycle in time to get cd3 bw and my sono done before July (we'll be in Michigan for a month).  They didn't say it, but I don't think they'll put me on provera while BFing.  Hopefully it won't matter, and I'll probably be close to weaned by then anyway.   So I call on cd1 (or cd35 if there is no sign of ovulation) and they'll do my bw and get my sono scheduled.  I have a routine physical on the 25th and some generic IF b/w too.   Assuming my sono is clear, I will wait for my next cycle to start BCPs, then start Lupron for about 3 weeks in August, and cycle to transfer in early Sept.  And I was super thrilled to hear that at most I'll only need 2 lining checks, so no endless monitoring and bloodwork!!

Oh, and so I don't forget, for our 7 frozen embryos, we have:

2 - 5 day embryos of great quality, one hatching
2 - 6 day embryos of fair quality
3 - 7 day embryos, 2 good quality and 1 fair quality

cd 1!!

I bet you never thought you'd see me thrilled to be posting about that huh?  I dropped down to nursing/pumping 3 times a day about a week and a half ago, and saw potential signs of AF a few days later.  As happy as I am that my cycles might be returning to normal, holy hell did I forget how much this sucks.  You would think that labor, delivery and months of various pregnancy pains would make this seem like a cakewalk, but I'm pretty damn miserable.  I hope this isn't a sign that my endo is back, because my post Lap AFs didn't hurt like this.

We have a consult with the RE on May 11th, so we'll find out what our next steps are then.

Awesome news and decision time

I finally made that call to the RE to find out what the next steps would be if we were to pursue FET and find out the cost as well as how my embryos were frozen (individually or in groups).  The awesome news is that R's insurance has changed and we now have unlimited IF coverage!  The catch is that we have a yearly deductable that has to be met or we'll practically be OOP anyway.  Sooooo, the smart thing to do is move to FET in the fall, when that deductable will be almost met or past that anyway.    This is all well and good until you sit down and realize we'd need to get started in about 2 months for a Sept. transfer. Ahhhh!    I still have no post partum AF, and they can't do anything while I'm still BFing (except our consult).  My cd3 b/w needs to be done after my 2nd PP AF, which will probably put me sometime in July, except we planned to be in Michigan for 6 weeks this summer.   Time for some choices I guess.  The practical side says we just have to make things work for Sept, because if it is a BFN we can cycle again in Dec and be completely covered.   I think I'll set up our consult in the next few weeks and find out if they have specific cycling dates for FET scheduled yet. 

back in the saddle?

Or maybe just observing said saddle from a good 10-20 feet away.   Christmas day SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy (and made it clear it was accidental, kind of odd but not something I care about much now) and I think that, paired with his best friend trying for his 2nd child, must have knocked something loose in R's keep-sanity-intact department.  He has made multiple comments over the past few weeks that he would be cool with us being pregnant again right now.   Meaning, of course, pregnant from normal old sex, not FET of any of our remaining embryos.   I am completely torn on this, for soooo many reasons.  In one pile of reasons, you've got the normal stuff....like, we'd need to buy new furniture for C before he is really ready for a big boy bed (hell, we'd have to organize/unpack the junk in the spare bedroom that has been there since we moved), I'd need a new car because the Britax convertible we just purchased probably won't even allow for any passengers in the back seat of my jetta, let alone a car seat....and it goes on.   It the other, unfamiliar to many, pile....we've got the IF issues.  Am I still infertile?  Do I want to even find out?  Why would I want to try naturally if we've got 7 possible babies that are potentially as amazing as C is waiting for us?  Oh, and then there is that underlying fear of another difficult pregnancy and another, quite possibly earlier, preemie.

If it comes down to it, I don't think I am on board for "trying" again unless it is really important to R (in which case, I think we'll compromise with a time limit...like 6 months).   We haven't been preventing, and of course I know breastfeeding is not a reliable birth control method, but lets face it, unless I was suddenly a supa fertile ho, it probably isn't happening with our sporadic sex life.  And I am really ok with that.   I did buy a box of condoms, and when I do wean off breastfeeding we will need to do the more in depth talk about it.  Either way, I know we aren't bothering with any hormonal birth control....so I might be dusting off my old friend the BBT within the next few months.

A different kind of trip to the RE

I stopped in the office today to pay our annual embryo storage fee and I brought C with me.  I'd had some reservations about bringing him in, because I know it can be hard to sit in that office and see kids/babies come in, but I'm really glad I did.  Everyone was so excited to see him.  We ran into one of my favorite nurses in the parking lot as she was leaving for the day (how's that for luck?) and our other favorite nurse happened to be working too.   We got a ton of compliments and my face hurt from smiling so much.   I am so proud of my little guy.   4 months already!

time to do this - birth story

For a multitude of reasons, I never sat down and wrote this out, but my friend had her little boy today and looking at pictures brought it all back so its fresh in my mind again.  Just a warning though, if you are currently only trying to surround yourself with easy birth stories, stop reading after the actual birth part.

I woke up Memorial Day feeling a bit off.  I thought I was having Braxton Hicks again so I ate breakfast and they seemed to go away so I went on with our day as normal.  By dinner time I was having to breath through some of the pains but they were still irregular and went away when I changed activities.  9pm at night I told R that the pains were bad enough that I wouldn't be able to sleep, so no matter what they were (I really thought it was intestinal pain) I needed to call the doctor.  As expected, we were sent to L&D to rule out pre-term labor.  I think we checked in to triage somewhere around 11pm.  The doctor that came in was actually the same doctor that saw us when we thought we were losing C at 10weeks because of the SCH.  I doubt he remembered us, but it made it a little surreal for me.

As soon as they hooked up the monitors, the contraction monitor spiked to an 11....on a 1 to 12 scale.  So I knew I wasn't over-reacting about gas pain at that point.  The Dr. came in to do an internal, and I really expected to be told I was a 1-2 and would be on bedrest from here on out.  Well, the bedrest part was correct, only it was a L&D bed because I was 3-4cm and he could feel the head so I was 80% effaced.  We were told that we'd be admitted, but this far along they wouldn't do anything to stop the contractions.   I asked about steroid shots, and was told that they couldn't give me the shots because there was currently not enough medical data to support administering steroids between 34 and 36 weeks, but that there was a study currently being done at the hospital to examine possible benefits to late pre-term babies.  Since participation gave us a chance at getting the steroids, we opted in.  He did a quick u/s to confirm the baby was head down, I got an IV (twice, she blew the first vein..that was a lovely bruise later) and I was sent upstairs.

We got settled in to our L&D room around 2am and by this point, the back labor was pretty bad.  I knew that if things progressed quickly I would need whatever sleep I could get so opted for the epidural.  It was in place by 3am and I was numbed up by the time the medical study person made her rounds to give the first steroid (or maybe placebo) shot.  I managed to sleep for a few hours after that.

Tuesday morning I was still around a 4, so the new game plan was to turn off the epidural around noon and hope that things stayed calm and I could be moved to observation until at least 35 weeks.  So off it went at 12 and I was able to get up and use the bathroom a few times, the second time I got up I lost my mucus plug.  By 3pm, the contractions and back labor were bad enough that I asked to turn the epidural back on.  Once it was back on, everything slowed down again and I more or less hung steady until later that night.  At 10:30pm I was around 5cm and 100% effaced.  Over the course of the night my epidural wore off several times...each time the pain had shifted lower...first mid lower back, then my right hip, and finally low and in the front.  The 3rd time it wore off I asked to be checked again.  I was told they wanted to wait until my water broke but the pain was so bad I demanded that they check me then.  The Dr. came in shortly after 3am and I was at an 8.  As she asked for the hook to break my water, it broke on its own and gave me momentary relief of the pain, but a few minutes after the doctor left the pain became so bad I started vomiting (not a whole lot, because I'd been on a liquid diet for more than 24hrs at that point, but it still sucked) and R paged the nurses.  Because my left leg was now entirely numb from the epidural, while my right side could still feel the pain, I opted to have the epidural redone.   R held me steady with a bed pan as a barf bucket while they redid it.  Thankfully the relief came soon after and I slept until 7am.

Right before morning shift change, my admitting doctor checked me and I was at a 10.  She decided I still needed to labor down a bit so she wished me luck and headed out.  I napped for another hour and then the next shift made their rounds.  The primary OB on the floor at that time was not from my practice, and snapped something about the head molding and that I shouldn't have been sitting like that for so long.  WTF?   Luckily there was also a doctor from my practice on-call with her so she actually performed the delivery and was awesome.  When it came time to push, it was R on one leg, a nurse on the other and her.  Not the chaotic scene I'd always imagined.   They did need to give me pitocin because my contractions still weren't consistent, but I pushed through 3 contractions (12 pushes) and he was out at 8:43am.   He cried right away and the pediatric team took him off to the side to be examined.  Everything looked great initially and I was able to hold him and put him to my breast for a minute or two.  Shortly after that it was determined that his glucose level was too low and he would need to go to the NICU.   I would not see him again until 8pm that night.

While they were checking him out, the OB and nurses were also checking me out.  As soon as I saw him, I completely forgot about that pesky placenta that I'd need to deliver as well.  Let me just tell you, the abdominal/uterine massage they do to get it out and make sure your uterus is shrinking properly is almost as painful as the contractions.  What came after that was 10x worse.  After they took C, the massage produced a huge gush...from the look on R's face I knew I hadn't just peed myself even though I asked hopefully if that was all it was.  The nurse gathered up the blankets and pads and they waited a few more minutes in hopes that things would straighten themselves out.  The second massage produced an even bigger gush and the top of my uterus was nowhere near where it should have been.  At this point the OB said I could either go into surgery or she could try manual extraction.  She made it sound like the manual extraction would be easier so we agreed to that.  Now at some point which I can't remember, my epidural had been removed.  Still not fully grasping what was about to happen, I asked for Stadol...since my IV was still in.  The Dr. said it wouldn't help with the pain, but I didn't care...at least it would help me forget it.  Unluckily, that was not the case, and I can say with certainty that it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.  Manual extraction meant she reached all the way up inside me and felt around for the remaining placenta.  3 times.  I screamed through all of it and on the 3rd attempt I remember screaming "please stop" and it was then, being one gush away from needing a blood transfusion, that it was decided I would need surgery after all.  

Everything from then on is pretty much a blur...they doped me up on several different drugs and multiple doctors came in to talk to me.  I remember checking with R when one pair left my bedside because I wasn't sure if they had really been there or if I'd just imagined them.  Once on the operating table, they placed the epidural for the 3rd time and I lay in my drugged up haze while they did the D&E.  Looking back, the surgery would have been a much, much simpler option.  I suppose the only benefit would have been that, if the extraction had worked, I wouldn't have needed to be in post-op recovery.

Somewhere around 2pm I was on  the high risk floor in recovery, and then moved to regular post partum in the late afternoon.   I had to wait until I got walk on my own before they removed my catheter and cleared me to go down to the NICU.

So there it is.  I still have a difficult time with how things played out after his birth.  There is no blame to place anywhere, my doctors were amazing and we have no answers as to why he came early.  Unluckily, chances are I could be looking at repeat of these issues with the next one.  At least next time I will be a little better prepared....I hope.

starting a new blog

R and I decided a while back that we wanted to start a blog that we'd share with friends and family.  As I explained there, it won't be as blunt as this one, because I can't very well bitch about things like my MIL's smoking habit and how exposing C to 3rd hand smoke still gives me anxiety if my sister-in-law's will be reading it.  Well, I could, but I don't think that would help the situation.  So it might be a little boring, but here it is.  I will hopefully put updates here occasionally too...or at least find time to use this as outlet for venting frustrations, but this one will probably lie mostly dormant until next summer, when we will begin talking about FETs for child #2.  Hard to believe that it is almost a year since I started the cycle that brought us our little boy!

8 weeks & starting bedtime routine

This is the third night we've tried an actual bedtime routine, and we did bath, bottle, book, and bed all within 45 minutes and he was (insert 40 minute break to go sooth and feed him...again) originally down by 8:45.  He is back in his crib but not fully asleep so I'm sure this round will be short lived too.  And I was so proud there for a bit that I managed to shorten bedtime from the 2 hour ordeal it has been the past two nights. 

Things are going well for the most part.  C is a good baby and growing so fast.  Our home scale put him around 10.6lbs on monday....hard to believe he was 4lbs lighter just 2 months ago.  I've already had to put away his newborn clothes, and he has been in size 1 diapers for a few weeks now. 

Last week we took our first family trip together and drove all the way up to my parent's summer house in Michigan...a 12-14 hour drive with a normal number of stops, closer to 16 stopping every 3 hours to feed and change C.  We did stop overnight though, because I didn't think driving straight through was a good idea.  C was a champ going out and slept almost the whole way.  He was wide awake once we stopped, but luckily we stopped early and R took him into Cabela's, where he could stare at the ceiling lights while R checked out all the hunting/fishing stuff.   He did really well in a new environment too.  Our biggest concern was of course his sun exposure, but we took walks in the evening or early morning when there was still plenty of shade, and we took his bouncer and put it in his little outdoor baby play tent when we were outside or out on the dock since there was always a nice breeze and it soothed him right to sleep.  We plan on going back up in a few weeks when my parents will also be there.   I'm hoping by that point he is starting to focus more on faces and objects, but since he falls anywhere between 3 weeks adjusted age and 8 weeks, I've got a pretty broad timeline to guess at.

above birth weight!!

Yesterday we had another pediatrician appointment to check on his weight gain...and he is up to 6lbs8oz!! (edit:  oops....as R pointed out after reading this, he is 6lbs, not 8lbs like I originally put...apparently I went from pregnancy brain to mommy brain).  My little baby is getting bigger already.  So this takes some of the pressure off from sticking to a strict feeding schedule.  Waking a sleepy baby in the middle of the night is not as easy as one would think.  I'm still struggling with my milk supply...holding steady around a production of about 10ml an hour.  Colton eats about 70ml every 2-4 hours, so I'm coming in a little under half of what he needs now.  I'm taking Fenugreek right now, and I am going to add in Blessed Thistle before giving my OB a call and asking for Reglan, an anti-convulsant with a side effect of increasing milk production.  Hopefully I can get my supply high enough to do a "breast feeding challenge" and wean off the formula in an attempt to continue the higher supply naturally.

Overall things are going well.  We did have first trip to the ER earlier this week because C wasn't maintaining a high enough body temperature.  At least we didn't have to go to the regular ER with god knows what kind of scummy idiots.  Instead we went to the local children's hospital, which was absolutely wonderful.   They put him under the warmer for a few hours and ran bloodwork as well as a urinalysis (which required a catheter...I'm not sure if that was more traumatic for me or him).  Everything came back fine, so we weren't admitted.  We've kept him double swaddled most of the time since then.

We also had his newborn photos taken this morning and I can't wait to see the proofs.  As I expected, C wasn't thrilled when we tried to place him on his tummy, but I think we got some really good shots anyway.

36 weeks....old?

That is still his gestational age anyway.  So hard to believe my little guy is over a week old already.  I think we've done amazingly well since he has been home.  While pregnant, everyone always tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps, and that you'll never know sleep deprivation like you will after having a newborn.  Well, I suppose we have to attribute some of the ease to extra sleepiness from jaundice, but we are both still functioning on a regular day and night schedule.  The only time I reached the borderline of delirium was last Saturday, after a long day at the hospital...we came home and I told R that I had to lay down.  Our current night schedule is worked around 3 feedings 11-12ish, 2-3ish, and 4-5ish.   I usually head to bed early after pumping and R stays up to do the first feeding.  Then I take over for the next 2 feedings, then head back to bed and sleep in while R takes over around 6.  Colton is increasingly alert and awake in the early hours of the morning though, so we'll see how long this schedule works.

We are still having follow up appts with the pedi, and the NICU requires bi-weekly home visits from a nurse for the next two weeks, but everything appears to be on the right track.  His bilirubin levels are dropping again, and his weight is starting to increase.  He is now back up to 6.04lbs, from a low of 5.13 in the NICU.  The pedi did tell us today that she would have liked to see him gain a little more, so we need to adhere to a 3 hour feeding schedule a little more closely.  My biggest frustration right now is my milk supply.  It just isn't increasing.  Based on pumping amounts, I'm making about 10ml an hour.  Colton eats 60-70ml every 3-4 hours.   I talked to multiple lactation consultants while in the hospital and was told I'm doing everything right.  I started fenugreek yesterday and I really hope it helps. 

He is home!!!

A week ago I walked into the maternity wing at the hospital with a baby in my belly.  Today, I rolled out with a baby in my arms.   We were given the option to have a wheelchair escort or the nurse rolling the crib from the NICU to the entrance.  I opted for the wheelchair and holding him (in the carseat, odd rule but hey, I still had a cute baby in my lap) and while I was not being discharged with the flowers and balloons, I still got the exit I had always pictured.

The pets have done really well so far.  The dog just did a sniff check and wanted to go back outside.  My youngest cat, whom I assumed would immediately confine himself to the bedroom closet...is absolutely fascinated.  Colton is sleeping in the pack n play at the moment, and I suppose it must look like a giant cat carrier, because he is watching it intently.  Very cute.  My older cat is a little more wary, but he is still being affectionate to me, so I know he isn't too upset.

Tomorrow we have our first pediatrician appointment and we have to go get C bloodwork in the morning because his bilirubin levels were 13.7 today and 14 is the highest they want to see it for his age.  If it goes up much more, he may have to go back in to the hospital or have some type of home treatment phototherapy again, but he won't be readmitted to the NICU, so we are done with that part of our journey.

No Homecoming today.

The past two days we have been working toward being discharged today.  Everything seemed great when we got there.  It was only at 12:30, an hour before we expected to be close to heading home, that the doctors made rounds and told us that Colton had lost too much weight and would need to stay another day.  Apparently he is at 9% weight loss and the cut off for his gestational age is 10%.  If he looses more weight they will want to place a feeding tube...and I'm guessing that would add another 3-4 days to his stay.  We are little frustrated (beyond the obvious disappointment) because no one said anything to us about this being a concern until now.  He was on ad lib feeding, meaning he was only fed when he woke up...sometimes in 4-5 increments, and eating around 25-35ml each feeding.  Now they want him eating every 3 hours and at least 45ml.  Um...you couldn't have reached this conclusion yesterday?

So needless to say, the afternoon was a little rough.  We did have our first real breastfeeding session though, so that was a bright point.  Being a preemie, he latches, starts sucking, then forgets what he is doing and stops, but we got a good 10 minutes in before he quit for good today.   And I am happy to report that he did take 45ml between the breast and formula at his evening feeding before we headed home.  Fingers crossed he can maintain his weight for tomorrow.

Discharged today. Just me, not him.

Let the tears commence.  We knew it was a strong possibility that he would not be ready to come with us, and I cry every time I think about it.  He is still making great progress, and was weaned off his IV fluids as of our last feeding this morning, but he was also placed under the billirubin lights because he is showing signs of jaundice.  So now we can't even look at him for extended periods of time because the lights will actually make one sick enough to vomit if looked at too long.   I feel so bad for the poor little guy.  He has spent the first two days of life getting stuck repeatedly in the heel to test his blood sugar (he cries and cries when this happens, it is so heartbreaking to hear) and now he has little foam goggles strapped to his head.  As of now, he is slated to come home on Sunday.  Not bad at all for his gestational age, but just a few days is harder emotionally than anything I could imagine.  My heart truly goes out to all the parents with babies in there longer.

He is here!

I'll post a detailed birth story (probably several posts) later, because the whole experience was so long with so many parts...some absolutely amazing, like his actual birth, and other parts, like my recovery, that were anything but.   

Baby Colton was born at 8:43am June 1st, weighing 6.7lbs!!  He is in the NICU now because his blood sugar wouldn't regulate on feeding alone.  We are about to head down there now, but here is a picture taken yesterday before the Peds. team took him down to the NICU.

Admitted to Labor and Delivery

Yesterday I woke up feeling Braxtons Hicks and what I thought was intestinal pains.  These continued sporadically throughout the day, but by evening it was so painful that I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at all and I needed some kind of assistance regardless of what was causing the pain.

We checked into OB triage around 11pm and got all hooked up to the monitors again.  Within minutes, it registered a contraction of 11 on a scale of 1 to 12.  Not what we wanted to see, but I have to admit feeling a tiny bit of vindication that the pain wasn't all in my head.   We were seen by the same doctor who diagnosed our SCH.  This time we got a different type of shocking news as he kept his usual poker face on during my internal....I was dilated 3-4cm and he could feel the baby's head.  R and I looked at each other with an "oh shit" expression.

They admitted us to L&D and though they weren't getting any closer together, I was exhausted and opted for an epidural at 3am.  The back labor was probably one of the worst parts...the contractions still felt like really bad intestinal pain.   The epi wasn't really painful at all, but the numbing meds did sting a little.  Then it was just an odd pressure on my back until the meds kicked.  I was able to move my legs and was really only numb around the hip area.

They checked me again around 7am this morning and I was 4cm and 100% effaced and baby was in -2 position.   It is a little after 1pm now, and the contractions have stayed spaced out and irregular, so they turned off my epidural about 45 minutes ago to see what happens. If they stay infrequent and manageable for me, they'll move me upstairs to a pre-natal floor and monitor me there. Ideally we are hoping contractions stop altogether and they can send me home at 35 weeks on Thursday....I assume on strict bedrest. This close to 35 weeks they don't do anything to stop labor, but they also don't do anything to assist progression. 3 days ago I would have received steroid shots, but there is not enough medical data out there yet for them to give it to me now. We did opt to be included in a medical study on steroid use for late pre-term babies, but we don't know if we were assigned the placebo or the actual drug.


We are doing okay for now...feeling a little like a deer in headlights because we've barely started organizing anything. We do have plenty of friends and family locally though, so I know we can get it sorted out.

Little trip to L&D

Yesterday R and I were running some errands and I noticed that my hands were suddenly a lot more puffy than I've ever noticed before. I'd been dealing with ankle/leg swelling for a while, but this concerned me enough that we stopped by a Rite Aid and took the free BP test there. First time was 144/88. Not good. We sat down and waited a few minutes (and DH checked his to make sure it was a machine problem) and did it again...154/84. So we called the on call doctor and as I expected, we were sent in for monitoring.

At 34 weeks, I didn't think I'd be seeing those rooms before the big day.  Even though we are in a much better spot pregnancy wise than we were 24 weeks ago, physically been in the same place again carried some pretty strong memories.  Though the first nurse called me back pretty quickly, my pulse was up to 121 when she did the initial evaluation.   She asked if I was nervous and I just gave her a look and said a trip to L&D isn't exactly a calming experience.   I don't remember my exact starting BP numbers in triage, but oddly enough...there was a huge variation between my right and left arms...which the nurse said was normal. My OB always used my right arm, which was 125/60something, while my left was still at 144ish/80something.


After 3 hours everything was back to normal ranges, but my bloodwork showed something with my liver was borderline, so I need repeat BW on Wed, and though the quick urine test (I'm guessing a dip test?) came back clear...the more detailed test showed a little protein, so I get to do a 24 hour urine catch this week. Thankfully they told me I was fine to wait until Tuesday to do it, so I don't have to confine myself to the house for memorial day. I have my monthly MFM u/s Tuesday morning, so we'll get a new estimate on LO's size and Friday I have my OB appointment to discuss delivery options and I should have all these test results by then.

Baby shower!

My shower was on Sunday.  I knew the date and location, but the details were mostly a surprise.  Everything turned out great and I think everyone had fun.   It was almost a bust though.  Ok, not really...but remember those super cute shoes I fell in love with back in Feb?  Yeah, well....I made the mistake of not trying them on again until Saturday.  My poor feet were so puffy I almost couldn't get them on.  I am a shoe person.  Though I've refrained from any other shoe purchases while pregnant, I couldn't resist those and my whole outfit was planned around them, because sometimes, it is all about the shoes.   All was good though, I kept my feet up as much as I could Saturday and slept with 3 pillows under them.  Totally worth it and I got several compliments on them.

We got a lot of great stuff, which I'm now facing the overwhelming task of finding a place for.  R cleaned out half a kitchen cabinet to make room for bottles and such.  Nursery furniture still isn't in, so right now things are just shoved in baskets in the closet.   I am proud to say I've already knocked out a bunch of thank you notes.  Unlike a bridal shower, it is a bit easier to write them when you can actually open and put away/organize what you got, rather than following proper etiquette and waiting until the wedding is over.  I did figure out quite quickly that I needed the gifts in front of me to write out the notes, because even with a gift list written as I opened things....it was so confusing remembering who gave what.  Because it isn't just Aunt A gave us sheets...it is noting whether it was crib sheets, bassinet sheets, pack n play sheets....how I'll keep them all straight I don't know.  And trying to cross check with the registry is always fun.  Babies R Us didn't update half of the stuff that was bought of it (I have gift receipts with my registry #, so I know it wasn't user error) and then there are the mystery gifts.  I had a few of these from my wedding as well.  Gifts that were bought off the registry and never given.  How long do you wait until just buying another yourself?  We could be needing that diaper genie in as little as 5 weeks.   R and I plan on waiting until mid June to allow time for work showers before tackling the clothing inventory and shopping to fill the gaps.

Relaxing before gifts (please note the shoes!)

Fabulously delicious cake.

Is it working yet? (32 weeks)

This time I can blame the delayed post on blogger, which I discovered was crapped out right after uploading my pictures to my work computer on Friday.   I suppose it is a good thing, because the weekend gave me some time to be relax and get back to being much more upbeat than I was feeling Friday.  Last week was rough.  Not compared to my SCH issues, but definitely worse than anything since that resolved.

Mother's Day weekend was pretty good.  I made it to a neighbor's Kentucky Derby party and lasted, mostly on my feet, until about 9:30.  Then on Sunday we went to annual steeplechase and tailgate event that we've gone to every year (R proposed there in 2006) and had fantastic weather.  I rocked the pink dress in the picture below and even had strangers complimenting me for being out there while pregnant.  

I took Monday as a sick day just to get some stuff done, and after that my week tanked.   Tuesday and Wednesday I had Braxton's Hicks that were so painful I finally called the doctor, who said that was pretty normal and as long as they went away when I changed position not worry.  So, good that it was normal...not much help because they were the worst while stuck in rush hour traffic.  The other big problem I'm having is swelling.  Being stuck at a desk all day makes my ankles blow up, and it only gets worse as the week goes on.  I was wearing Adidas flipflops by Thursday because nothing else fit.   Thankfully, they are much better on the weekends, so I'm still getting a break.  My OB has yet to see them at their worst though, so we'll see what she says on Friday.

I started painting the name letters, and I must say, they look pretty damn awesome.  When they are done I'll devote a post to what I did, because I have had a few minor glitches.  So far I've tackled the two letters that get stripes, and R painted the 2 that are solid colors.  Next up....polka dots.  

Aw...hiccups!!

Yesterday he had his first round of hiccups! (or at least the first that I've felt).  As I was driving home I felt these odd little kicks in the exact same spot, coupled with what felt like small cervix punches.  I figured out that he was hiccuping, kicking my ribs and sending his head into my cervix....he only had 6 or 7 but it was so cute.   He got them again while we were watching TV and I could just barely see them from the outside.  Then I started feeling bad for him because he woke up and didn't seem very happy with his current condition.  Poor guy...at least they only lasted 5 minutes or so.

Yesterday our wooden name letters came.   I was going back and forth whether I was ready to commit to one name before he was born, but I decided to go ahead and take the risk.   Still undecided as to whether I will share it here yet.  I know at least 2 people I know IRL read, or at least have found, this blog and we aren't making name announcements to everyone until after he is born.  Hell, my co-workers and some friends don't even know we are having a boy.   Anyway....the letters are here so I plan to start painting them in the next week or so.   My other project is painting 3 small pictures to match this lamp R had as a child (have I said that already?...I can't remember).  I'll post pictures of the lamp and the paintings when I'm done and I know I still need to post nursery pictures.  Hopefully the furniture will arrive soon...I think the timeframe was mid-May to mid-June.

I don't have my 31 week bump pic yet...we have a Derby party on Saturday so I figured I'd just get one then.  Here are the last 3 weeks though.

may need to consider a scheduled c-section

I had my monthly u/s with the MFM doc. today.   Everything looked good, but the tech kept going back and measuring the belly.  Finally she asked if I'd passed my GD test, because his abdomen was measuring ahead by quite a bit.  I said I had, and that they told me if they didn't call it meant I'd passed.  I asked if everything else was measuring ahead too, since he'd been about 2 weeks ahead since 20 weeks.  He was still 2 weeks ahead in general, but his abdomen was in the 93rd percentile, whereas everything else was above the 50th percentile.   So naturally I start wondering if my GD results were somehow lost, but I had my OB appointment a few hours later and was told I passed with flying colors.

The mid-wife did express some concern when I mentioned the u/s measurements...and that baby has an estimated weight of 4.9lbs!!   She said that shoulder size usually correlates with abdominal size, and the doctor would discuss the possibility of scheduling a c-section at my 34 or 36 week appointment.

My "birth plan" has always been whatever is best for me and the baby, whether that be natural, medicated or c-section, but at this point in my pregnancy, I didn't think I'd need to be choosing one over the other before I was actually in labor.   I really have mixed emotions about choosing a c-section.  I know I don't want a 22hr labor and then an emergency c/s, but I'd like the chance to do it without major surgery.   I admit most of my immediate reasons for not wanting a c/s are vain and selfish....mainly extended recovery time, not being able to resume normal activity right away and start working off the baby weight (yes, I realize that last part is highly delusional).  On the other hand, just the word episiotomy scares me.   So I guess I'll do some research and see what the next few weeks bring.  I think it is safe to say I'm tossing out any thoughts of natural birth!

We did get to see his face today...and we got a smile!  He was practicing smiling and frowning.   I think he may have my mouth.

Pictures.

I have more to add, but here is a start!

Our room, so breezy and peaceful!

The one day I was brave enough to give the belly a little sun (seemed to make a linea nigra appear so I kept it covered the rest of the week).  Secret Harbor, St. Thomas.

"Main Street" on Jost Van Dyke.  One of those little buildings is customs, boats are supposed to dock and check in on a good faith basis.

The Catamaran we took our day sail on, and White Bay, Jost.

 Dressed up for dinner...taken in the Italian gardens at the place we stayed. 

 Love this photo that R took.   I think this was in Maho Bay, St. John.

A little hard to see since he was stirring up sand, but a sea ray in Maho Bay.

  The reef at Coki Beach, St. Thomas.  People could feed the fish here, so they'd actually swim up to you!

Back from vacation!

St. Thomas was fabulous and all in all, I did pretty well physically.   Of course, it was HOT...but there wasn't much humidity so the shade and/or water provided substantial relief.   If you are friends with me on facebook, I've already uploaded a bunch of pictures, but I'll add a long picture post here in the next few days.   I am pleased to say I have an amazing tan now.

Most of the trip was without problems, except of course for a few travel glitches. We left for the airport at 4am Monday morning for a 6am flight.  I wasn't nervous about flying, but I wasn't really sure what to expect either, so I was not prepared for what came next.   About an hour into the 2.5 hour flight I started getting hot flashes, so I took off my hoodie and that helped for maybe 30 minutes.  Then they came back full force accompanied by sudden nausea....yep, air sickness.  I've never been air sick in my life and I seriously thought I was going to throw up right there in the middle seat.   I made it to the bathroom and felt a little better.  I had R dig out the seabands I packed, cranked up the air gauge above my seat and made it through the rest of the flight without incident.   I think it was the first time ever I was a little grateful for a 1 hour delay, giving me a little extra time on the ground in Miami.  Luckily the 2nd leg of the trip and our return were not a problem.

While in Miami, we found out that our friends, flying in from Boston and meeting us at the airport in St. T, wouldn't be making it down until Tuesday, because their flight had been canceled (turns out that mechanical failure was also the cause for our delay).  So it was just R and I that first night and the next day, which actually ended up being really nice because we had some time to unwind without being swept up right away in group plans (there were a total of 7 people eventually).

Over the course of the week we made it to St. John twice, visiting Maho Bay, Cinnamon Bay, Honeymoon Bay, and Trunk Bay.   We took a daysail to Jost Van Dyke, which was absolutely beautiful, but don't go there on or near a holiday weekend, because White Bay becomes party central for everyone in Puerto Rico who wants to enter the BVIs illegally (when I post a pic of "main street", you'll see why it is a prime choice for skipping customs).   We got in plenty of swimming and snorkeling though, and saw tons of fish, sea turtles, rays, and even a school of squid!   The only thing we didn't do was make it over to St. Croix.  Between the cost ($90 round trip) and schedule of the ferry, we decided it wasn't the time to do it because I wouldn't last a full day on the island.

I think might also have a future beach bum on our hands.  It is hard to distinguish movement while swimming, but as soon as I'd settle down on the beach he'd go nuts.

28 weeks!!

Good news, the emotional crazies are not here stay.  After crying at the drop of a hat for the first 5 days of 3rd tri, yesterday I felt back to normal.   Not sure what exactly all that was about, but I'll blame R's fishing trip this weekend for most of it.  ;)

3 more days until we leave for St. Thomas.   My mind checked out around mid-afternoon yesterday...I am so ready to be down there!   I still have to pack, but I've got my assortment of cute dresses and shorts all ready to go.   The only daunting task that remains is attempting to find a strapless bra.  Yeah...not looking forward to that.   The amount of side-boob I've acquired is just ridiculous, so I may end up having to choose between the saggy boob look and the stuffed sausage look for a few of these tops/dresses.   I don't think we'll be paying for maternity photos, so I've been hoping someone can get a few nice pictures while we are down there.  That is all I really need.   And what better backdrops than these?